I felt guilt that this happened

January 19, 2024 By Brittanny Bell

I felt guilt that this happened

I was having on and off issues with my BP when I was 27 weeks pregnant and the midwives noted the small size my baby was, but they weren't concerned at this point and my biweekly antenatal appointments became weekly. Despite this, I was rushed to hospital twice as a result of my BP, once at 34 weeks and again at 36 weeks. The first time, I was discharged after a day in observations. I was swollen in my fingers and ankles, my BP was high and they found a trace of protein in my urine, but after a round of medication for my BP, I was able to go home. My vision during the next week began to go a little fuzzy and I was nauseous despite no longer experiencing morning sickness and nausea. After ringing my doctor, they pinned it down to my medication and I wasn't seen. 

This being me to the second time I was rushed to hospital.  At my 36 week appointment, midwives saw that my BP was no longer being controlled with medication, my protein levels had doubled and I was complaining of a headache to my midwife at the appointment. 

I was admitted into hospital that same day under observations, but that night I took a turn for the worst. I was so glad I was already in hospital. My head was in absolute agony (I suffer from migraines but this was next level), I kept being sick, I had pain in my abdomen that was horrible, and doctors suggested to me that my kidneys were beginning to fail based on my protein levels. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia and I was told I was going to have to be induced as soon as possible and that they couldn't wait for my baby to be full term because I was only going to get more ill the longer we waited. 

After a 4 day induction, my son was born with forceps weighing 4lb5oz, significantly small for the time he came. He was in fetal distress and I was too far gone for a c-section by this point. 

He was born malnourished, his heart rate, oxygen levels and BP were all low and his bowels didn't work properly. 

At this point I had started to bleed out after suffering a 4th degree tear so I was rushed off for emergency surgery. 

My boy was taken to the NICU 

I was separated from my son as I had to remain in observations as my BP was still through the roof and due to the injury I had sustained. 

At one point, me and my husband had to look on as our son was resuscitated as he couldn't breathe and started asphyxiating on his own vomit. It was terrifying. That was when my hospital made the decision to transfer him to a specialist hospital and I had to be separated from him as I remained in my hospital.  Even though my husband was with our baby at the other hospital, I was distraught from being separated. 

I had all sorts of feelings, and I felt guilt that this happened as if it was my fault that my baby was like this. 

My care was then transferred to the specialist hospital maternity ward so I could be with my boy. We were in the NICU for 1 week and the staff at the second hospital were amazing, he was able to get the treatment he needed and we all went home ready to start our lives. 

He is a very healthy toddler now that keeps me on my toes, I just consider myself lucky that my care team acted in a quick manner and I was already in observations