I found out I was pregnant with my son in May of 2022 - my heart was bursting with excitement, but I knew I was high-risk. My excitement immediately turned to worry and snowballed from there. Due to previous PEs (Pulmonary Embolism) due to birth control, I was at a very high-risk for clotting, so I had to be on blood thinners throughout my pregnancy. I had additional risks including weight, possibly developing gestational diabetes due to weight, and preeclampsia.

Before 12 weeks gestation, I had already experienced 2 Subchorionic Hemorrhages that landed me in the hospital and then on modified bed rest for weeks with the risk of losing the pregnancy. Once I was finally cleared I felt like I could move on with my pregnancy in peace, but that was not the case.

My blood pressure would yo-yo like crazy going from textbook perfect to very concerning and before I knew it I was diagnosed with preeclampsia.

From conception, I was seeing my OB and MFM, I was doing everything right, but I constantly wondered, "Is all of this my fault?", "What am I doing wrong that pregnancy isn't easy for me like it is for everyone else?."

I longed to be the woman who had an easy worry-free pregnancy, who loved being pregnant, and spent 40 weeks glowing, but that was not me. I had the complete opposite experience.

Due to my preeclampsia diagnosis, I was scheduled for an induction at 37 weeks. During labor and delivery, my preeclampsia went from just a diagnosis with no signs or symptoms and normal blood pressure to severe.

After 21 hours of extremely traumatic labor, on December 31, 2022, at 1:44 am, I delivered my son via emergency c-section at 37+1.

Following delivery, my son spent 2.5 days in NICU and by the grace of God was able to be released with me. However, my story didn't end there ....

I tried so hard to mask my fears, anxieties, depression, and trauma that built up over the last 37 weeks in doing so I was destroying myself.

I completely lost the newborn phase with my son because I was living in such a dark cloud. If I could offer any advice or wisdom, it is this:

1) Advocate for yourself: Speak up and seek help during pregnancy if needed! There is zero shame in doing what is best for yourself.
2) No one prepares you for the 4th trimester: Have postpartum resources ready and on hand in case you need them.