I became a parent and HELLP survivor at 39 weeks and 5 days. My birth journey was quite unusual. Everything was going smoothly until we got to the birth center and learned my blood pressure was over 180. My birth “plan” became impossible and instead of being the calm, peaceful, and pleasurable birth I longed for and envisioned, birth became the most terrifying experience of my life.

We transferred to the hospital feeling confused because I wasn’t feeling sick or experiencing any of the symptoms. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia with severe features, HELLP syndrome, and severe hyponatremia. This was surprising since I was asymptomatic. I was coherent, felt strong, and experiencing no pain besides contractions. I did not understand what was happening. My somatic experience did not match what the docs were saying. Their fear and urgency was terrifying and confusing.

My blood pressure continued to rise and my labs showed that my sodium levels were extremely low (in the 100s). LFTs were high and platelets were low. I was put on magnesium and restricted fluids and food.

It became clear that bringing this baby earth-side was life threatening. We spoke with so many doctors about how to move forward but hyponatermia was complicating everything. All options were scary.

After many uneasy conversations I decided to get an epidural and try to deliver vaginally. Baby and I were struggling, baby’s heart rate would dip, my platelets were plummeting so an emergency cesarian took place. I remember being terrified I wouldn’t make it out of the surgery alive. I just wanted to meet our sweet baby we had been dreaming about meeting and be ok.

Both our baby Zahn and I ended up in the ICU. I was discharged in a week, terrified to leave the hospital after and having a hard time trusting that my body would tell me if something was wrong. Zahn spent 2 weeks in the NICU.

I still have elevated liver enzymes and proteinuria. Birth messed me up physically and emotionally. Taking it moment by moment. I hold this sweet baby Z close and my partner for navigating this scary situation so powerfully. I am full of gratitude and deep love for my partner, doula, all the docs, specialists, and nurses who kept me and Z alive.

I hope my story encourages others to better understand HELLP syndrome and the importance of routine check ups (since I was asymptomatic) and being aware of sodium levels during pregnancy.