Stopping at one child because of HELLP?

[bordergurl72]

It is amazing how similar all of our thoughts are on the topic.

I am still holding onto all of my daughter's clothes and stuff, almost 6 years later, still hoping one day i get the courage...yet trying to be satisfied with the great family of the 3 that we have too.

[yellowroseo]

This is a weekly if not daily question that is always in my mind. My son (now 3) was born at 36 weeks via emergnecy C section due to hellp. I would love to have another child, but the fear of it happening again is very strong. My husband does not wish to have more due to the fear of me dieing. I love my family and wish that I could just be satisfied and put it out of my mind. I am very grateful for what I have, becuase I know there are much worse outcomes. Most days I say that I won't have more children, but it is very hard because so many people are having babies around me. It is also very hard because people constantly ask when I will have another child. I sometimes wish that it would just happen without being planned one way or the other so that I don't have to decide. I still have all of my baby stuff from my son and can't bring myself to get rid of it. Right now I have an IUD and that is my five year plan, but after that I do not know. Thank you for your post, it helps to know there are others in who understand.

[lakensmommy]

I lost my daughter 10 days after she was born at 27w1d due to sever pree and HELLP. There is Hope I am now 34 weeks with no sign of either in sight. With my dd she was small when she was born (15 oz) and little Quinn well he's ahead of the curve measuring a week and 4 days ahead. (and i have factor v and take LDA daily for it)

[Katie_NB]

@Mindy - Thank you so much for posting. We've been struggling with this decision for a while. I was lucky as I was able to go full term with DD before I delivered - mostly because I didn't know that the symptoms I was experiencing were related to HELLP Syndrome until the pain was so bad I went to EMERG... my doctor had dismissed the symptoms I was having, because my blood pressure was always lower by the end of my appointments.
My daughter was born 2 days after my due date, and I spent the next week in hospital. My husband was really worked up when it happened and said he didn't want any more kids, but now he's come around and wants more. I'm still nervous. I definately think I'm going to talk to my doctor about my risks and ensure that if we decide to have another that I get the care I want.

Thank you to everyone who has been posting, you are all amazing!

[bordergurl72]

...each month I get really excited I might be pregnant, and at the same time relieved when I am not. It's very hard. ...
I wish I could offer an answer - I just can't because I am so unsure myself.

Exactly how I felt this month. I was 2 days late and was getting really excited, and then I had that pg test in front of me, and I was so nervous and so relieved when it was neg. What does that mean?

I wish i could have one without being pg...and I know it is possible we just don't have the money for it. I would adopt in a minute!

[lilysmommymindy]

Making the decision to have a 2nd child after HELLP was very difficult, like you I was very fearful of leaving my DD#1 motherless. But after reading up so much on here we decided to make a preconception appointment to discuss the risks (which it sounds like you already have) but we found out we were pregnant the week before! So our minds were already made up for us and we went for it.....I'm so glad we did because I love DD#2 so much and I'm so glad DD#1 has her baby sister. I self-advocated for the best possible care and made sure that if I was uncomfortable I was seen immediately. It's a really personal and tough decision. I wish you the best of luck in whatever decision you make. Your DD is adorable....

Take care,

Mindy

[kbielec]

I haven't been on the forum in a long time. I too had my daughter due to HELLP. Had a normal pregnancy until 25 weeks when I went in for the routine visit and was admitted. Delivered 5 days later due to HELLP. We've been off the pill now for about 9 months - each month I get really excited I might be pregnant, and at the same time relieved when I am not. It's very hard. I too have had consults and been given the green light, but "no promises" that it will be ok this time. I have been diagnosed with MTHFR and Factor V so will be on folic acid, BA and Lovenox if and when I am pregnant.
I wish I could offer an answer - I just can't because I am so unsure myself.

[mommytomolly]

Your story is close to mine. I had Hellp with my daughter who was delivered at 37 weeks. She was fine but I spent the next week in the hospital with hellp. My biggest fear then and now 2 1/2 years later is that my husband will have to raise her on his own. We finally decided to have another one for the plan fact that I didn't want her to be an only child and I figured that when my grandmother had her children she probably had a higher risk of dying with just a normal pregnancy than I do now even with hellp. In December, we found out I was preg and everything seemed to be going good. I had the terrible morning sickness, tired, tender breast that I should have until this week. I had an ultrasound yesterday, and the baby has no heartbeat. This will be my secong miscarriage, I had one before my daughter, and I don't know if I can go through it again. I knew I had a higher risk of miscarriages because of hellp but you think how could I be unlucky enough to have problems with every pregnancy. After this loss I am seriously considering stopping at one child. I also feel cheated and envious. My best friend is pregnant with her second child and was due one month before me and although she been great I know I am going to have a hard time with it.

[bordergurl72]

Anne,

Thank you for your post. I found it on a day when I was really struggling and searching for someone who understood how I feel and what I'm going through. Best wishes to everyone on this board. I hope you all find peace in your decision.

BTW, Anne your daughter is too cute!

Thank you!!

@Berrybindgirl.....yes, celiac was tough at first, but now I have had it two years and pretty much have the hang of it. Our house is 100% GF as well. I also write for 2 online publications about gluten-free living

[wsmom]

Anne,

Thank you for your post. I found it on a day when I was really struggling and searching for someone who understood how I feel and what I'm going through. Best wishes to everyone on this board. I hope you all find peace in your decision.

BTW, Anne your daughter is too cute!