A replacement child?

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.
kbunsey
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby kbunsey » Tue Sep 21, 2010 10:01 pm

It is SO hard and we are all different in how we face life after PE. And we do what is right for us and for our families. You will never replace your fisrt child with another, but - you can love another baby. You can love them both. I do it every day. It is not what I expected, nor what I wanted - to have to let her go - but it is what I do. And now, with Kyle, I can't imagine being without him. I'm so grateful and so glad I decided to try again. It was big work. I was so afraid "it" would happen again, but I think I was more afraid to let me fears control me and my decisions so I just jumped in and went for it. And it was worth the work! Whatever you do - Be nice to you.

brianned5
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby brianned5 » Mon Sep 13, 2010 06:11 pm

After Kylie passed away I said I don't want another baby I just want Kylie. My husband came to me and asked if maybe we could try again. I told him I didn't know if I could handle it. Much to our surprise, a little less than 6 months after having Kylie, I got pregnant again. I was excited but totally terrified. I also cried all the time, because I wanted Kylie and felt like I betrayed her. I kept having to tell people this baby does not replace Kylie. I was thrilled to find out I was having another little girl. That little girl is turning 1 the 21st of this month. She's our reason for living.

[email protected]
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby [email protected] » Sat Sep 11, 2010 01:53 am

I just lost my son in August,already people are asking if we will try again.We are hurting it's all so hard when you lose your baby.However,there is this part of me that so longs to continue our journey and try again when I am physically able.I know everyone is different,and even though my Benjamin was so sick and only with us 3 months,I loved being his mom,I wil always be his mom.No amount of time will ever change the love for him and another baby won't replace him.My sister who has been so good to me said every parent goes through emotion when decided to try again,even full term healthy babies,she sais see how we have such similarities,yet we are different?Same with having another child.It's like a little part of Benjamin will shine through in him or her.I cried,it was true.I hope to try again when I can.I hope you do too.xo


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kbielec
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby kbielec » Tue Aug 31, 2010 02:00 pm

((hugs)) to you and your family. Many prayers as you get through this difficult day.

leeann34
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby leeann34 » Mon Aug 30, 2010 07:20 pm

Thank you ladies. Your responses were very helpful. This Wednesday will be one year since my little baby girl passed away. She was almost 3 months old. Please pray for us this week. It will be a difficult day. Thank you.

miamibunnie
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby miamibunnie » Tue Aug 24, 2010 00:36 am

Those feelings are normal. i sometimes feel the same but your baby that past will always be your special baby. I see as my little angel that will protect my next pregnancy, (:

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kerisue
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby kerisue » Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:39 am

I think what you're going through is normal for those who've had a loss. I know I'm not yet ready to try again (and it's too soon physically anyway). I desperately want a baby to hold NOW but when I think about having a baby all I can come back to is- I just want Millie back. I just want the real baby I had not some theoretical baby I might have in the future. And the thought of going through the PE trauma again makes me panic. But I do know that once I get a look at that new baby I'll feel the same love. I very much hope it happens for you when the time is right.

jules2
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby jules2 » Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:25 am

Hi Leeann,

I can understand this. I had a lot of trouble emotionally trying again after losing my daughter - whom I still very much grieve for 15 months on. I don't seem to have any trouble getting pregnant at all (usually takes 1-2 months) but some months I just couldn't bring myself to try. I was very much in two minds whether to try the month I conceived again (early April); and I found the first few weeks of pregnancy very hard, maybe for that reason (and aagain very hard post-20 weeks). The 2 mcs I had after didn't exactly help either. I probably rushed into trying again, but I have just turned 39 so it was very much "now or never".

This baby (now 22 weeks) is not intended as a replacement, but since finding out she was a girl I have to admit I sometimes find myself using Alice's name for her too. . I think this is normal - I was expecting "Alice" and she never really arrived. I agree with you - there may never be a time when you really feel "ready" (who could ever be "ready" to go through severe PE and risk another loss again?) Now, I am just trying to stay calm and hoping for the best xx

jamilyn
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby jamilyn » Mon Aug 23, 2010 12:00 am

You are def not alone, those feelings are very normal. You will eventually get to the point where it wont feel that way though, you may just not be ready and you dont want to end up getting pregnant and have a baby then not be able to bond. Every person is different some get pregnant right away and im not one of those, you cant rush into it. You are still very early in the grief process and emotionally you may need another year or so before getting pregnant. My little miracle boy was 4 years after having my 1st Angel and it was a surprise pregnancy, I was not ready and I cried so much because I still wasnt ready, after he was born I did the motions but it took time for me to bond with him. Now i know 4 years is a long time but I was very young when it all happened.
Are you seeing a counselor or anything? It helped me to see one but its different for everyone. It also helps me to do kick boxing or to hit a punching bag.
be kind to yourself and take the time you need.
Take care
{HUGS}

annes
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Re : A replacement child?

Postby annes » Mon Aug 23, 2010 09:00 am

Lee Ann, I had this feeling very strongly after I lost my son. So strongly that I told anyone that would listen that we would not have any more children because you cannot replace one child with another. Well, one morning I just woke up and I wanted another child, not a replacement, just another little person around, and I knew I was ready. I would just give yourself a break, take some time and see where it leads you. Take care of yourself.


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