Adoption

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.
mellybute
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Re : Adoption

Postby mellybute » Sun Jul 25, 2010 11:00 pm

You're so welcome and GOOD LUCK!!! It will be awesome!!

bernadic
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Re : Adoption

Postby bernadic » Sun Jul 25, 2010 07:06 pm

MellyBute-WOW, you have such a positive outlook on life and your adoption situation. You are such a strong person and are loved by lots! Thanks for sharing!!

mellybute
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Re : Adoption

Postby mellybute » Sun Jul 25, 2010 04:49 pm

In may case, I had a hand full of memories because I was 4 when I was placed in the foster care system. So, it was a struggle in my teen years to figure out how to deal with all of feelings of abandonment etc. I always wondered why no one in my family tried to raise me and my sister. (Grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc) My advice is if you do adopt and you see that your child as they are getting older and approaching the dreadful teenage years, having a hard time or changing, put him/her in counseling ASAP. I put myself through years of counseling to learn how to deal with those feelings. I started seeing a therapist when I was 16 for about 4 years. It REALLY helped.

My other advice would be to always encourage your child if they want (when they get older) to seek to know their biological parents. Because they will want to, there is no question. It WILL happen. I know a lot of adopted people and at some age you want to know.

It helped me TREMENDOUSLY when I reunited with my biological family. Not because I had this wonderful automatic bond or anything, but it helped me answer those questions of where did I come from, who do I look like, etc. But I was in my 20's and the time was right. They found me, I never searched for them.

I also learned that several family members *tried* to get custody and the state would not allow it. So, although that sucked, I learned that I was loved.

I went into it with an open heart and mind (the reuniting)and with a lot of forgiveness. It's hard not to be mad when you're adopted, but as you get older you learn that it was all for a reason.

Like I said, I ended up with more family than most people. I have one completely biological sister (same mom and dad), one adopted brother, one adopted sister (both biological from my adoptive parents), one half sister on my mom's side, one half sister on my dad's side, one half brother on my dad's side (RIP), and several step sisters and brothers. So, yeah, LOTS OF FAMILY :-)

Reuniting with my biological family did not change my relationship with my adoptive parents. If anything, it made it stronger because I see more what they gave me, that they didn't have to at all. My adoptive parents encouraged me speaking/meeting with them when they found me. So it made it easy for me and I didn't feel guilt.

Probably more than you wanted to know, but maybe it helps!!

jamilyn
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Re : Adoption

Postby jamilyn » Sat Jul 24, 2010 11:22 pm

Glad to hear you found agencies, when we started looking into it I googled and researched adoption for almost every country. We have decided to do Foster care now though.
Best of Luck to you!!!

bernadic
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Re : Adoption

Postby bernadic » Sat Jul 24, 2010 05:48 pm

Thanks ladies. I have found 2 agencies Bethany and Great Wall of China that will help with foreign adoption as we are leaning towards a Mexican or Central American baby. Next week is information meeting that Bethany is hosting. We are thinking of going to that. My husband's fear is that the baby will stop loving us at age 15 and start wondering why his parents gave him up-that is the hurdle he is facing. I am a 100% lets do it mode.

MellyBute-do you have any advise to tell my husband about his fears?

mellybute
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Re : Adoption

Postby mellybute » Sat Jul 24, 2010 05:08 pm

Just wanted to say that I am adopted :-) There are a lot of children that need loving homes, whether it be here or abroad. I was adopted when I was 8 years old (am now 35) and in my 20's my biological family found me and I ended up with more family than I ever knew possible (adoptive & biological). I lived in foster homes for 4 years before I was adopted.

My point is there are a lot of children, babies and older that need loving homes. I think it is wonderful that you want to go that route!!! Good luck!!

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kerisue
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Re : Adoption

Postby kerisue » Fri Jul 23, 2010 11:15 pm

Muddmomma2- if you know or can find the number for CPS in your state I would start there because they can obviously give you information specific to that state's process. If you don't know it, you can try www.adoptuskids.org there's a link under the resources tab for state specific guidelines and you can look your state up. www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/ is another good site.

The processes are likely similar, though not the same. Here (in Oregon) you have to have a back ground check, home study, and go through a short training period (8 wks. which sounds like a lot but it would take that long for the home study anyway). You look through the pictures and information about all the children awaiting adoption locally. Some of them are completely free for adoption already (parental rights terminated or relinquished) and some of them are in the process of being freed for adoption. If you find one you would like to adopt your adoption worker sends your home study to the child's worker. If more than one family is suitable for that child then a committee helps decide which one is the best fit. If you are chosen then the child will likely be placed with you prior to finalization. The workers help you with (and do most of the work on)the entire process. Depending on the bio parents, the child, and you, you may do some mediation regarding contact between child and bio parents after adoption. The decision for a closed or open adoption (and the degree of openness) is one that you ultimately make. When I referred to the state paying you to adopt, I was referring to what's called Adoption Assistance and I think it's actually Federal money administered by states- every state has this program. The .gov link above would have more info about that (no one is getting rich off adopting kids however).

In my state the easiest way to adopt a BABY from CPS is to foster them first. Foster parents generally have priority over the general public in adopting kids and you've had them in your home from birth or early infancy so you've already bonded by the time the state is done trying to reunite the baby with its parents and decides to seek adoption. Of course with the fostering route you do risk attaching to a baby that may get reunited with his/her parents and not adopted by you.

This is just a nutshell for a complex process. Adopting from CPS is not for everyone, but thankfully it IS right for some people and at least worth considering.

muddmomma2
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Re : Adoption

Postby muddmomma2 » Thu Jul 22, 2010 11:28 pm

I am interested in adoption too..possible..how do you go about seeing and finding info about adopting through child protective service system? what would the reqiurments be..etc? thanks

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kerisue
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Re : Adoption

Postby kerisue » Thu Jul 22, 2010 10:03 pm

If you're thinking of adoption consider adopting from your state's child protective services system. Some folks may think that all the children there are "damaged" or older kids, but that's just not true. And instead of you having to pay to adopt, the state pays you- until the kid is 18 no less.

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heather j
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Re : Adoption

Postby heather j » Thu Jul 22, 2010 09:05 pm

Maja,
If you go up to Members in the upper right corner, look up PaigeVA and send her an email through her profile. She's had two preeclamptic pregnancies, and is currently in the process of adopting/bringing home her new baby daughter from China. She'd be an excellent resource for you, I think.


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