Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Are you considering having another child after preeclampsia? Trying again after preeclampsia can be an emotional challenge. You can find support with others who share your concerns here.
missingjasper
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby missingjasper » Sat Mar 20, 2010 01:39 pm

For me it depends on how my next pregnancy goes. If I end up getting sick again then I will have to say one baby here on Earth is enough. *cross fingers, toes, and knock on wood that I don't*

aseamans
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby aseamans » Thu Mar 04, 2010 10:25 pm

Thanks to all those who have shared their thoughts on this. It so nice to know that others have the same fears and concerns!

tiffmarie81
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby tiffmarie81 » Wed Feb 17, 2010 06:20 pm

I always thought I would try again but now having been TTC for 2 1/2 years and having 2 miscarriages I am not sure it is worth it anymore. I don't think I could handle another miscarriage or worse having to deliver a baby that doesn't survive due to severe prematurity. I am kind of in the middle. I want another baby but not sure if I can emotionally go through the pregnancy with the constant worry about what could happen. I understand what you are going through and it is very hard. My husband and I aren't quite ready to stop trying yet but it is getting very close to just having one miracle child in our lives!

alexa5
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby alexa5 » Fri Feb 12, 2010 09:07 am

You all have spoken from the heart, and I really appreciate it. I appreciate that you all understand how hard it can be to contemplate another difficult pregnancy (risk to mom and baby), as well as understand that it is a hard decision re: whether you are up to the challenge of more than one child in general.

After just being tired of thinking about it, I think we have somewhat decided to just have the one, but if contraception fails and tells us differently we would feel we were going with what is meant to be. Or if we change our mind down the road and decide to give it a go even though I will be older we will be open minded to that as well. I don't feel up to actively TTC right now, as my son keeps me so busy as is! He is a busy little boy :-)

angelr
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby angelr » Thu Feb 11, 2010 10:59 pm

This a really thoughtful and important topic for me also. I was 38 when my first daughter was born at 37 weeks. I had preeclampsia that took a week to resolve post partum. Very scary times as everyone here knows. We decided to try again although we would have been very happy with one healthy daughter. I became pregnant one month before our deadline and my 41st birthday. It was really strange timing. Three years to the day that our first daughter was conceived. I went though a lot of emotions...was I foolish to try again? What would happen with this baby's health of I developed PE again? What if I died and left my daughter without a mother because (for reasons she couldn't undestand until she was older) I wanted another child? There were no easy answers at all but once I was pregnant I had to stay strong and get prepared. The PE arrived quite suddenly again, much earlier at 28 weeks or so. One day I felt great and the next I did not. I went on bedrest and lasted until 33 weeks when I had neurological symptoms and had an emergency C section. Our lovely second daughter was born 6-17-10, in the NICU for one month but is thriving now. That month was spent with me living away from my 3 yr old because my mom had to come and stay while my husband continued working. (The NICU is 2 hrs from my home and I could not leave the baby alone, plus I was pumping breast milk for her) I was in the hospital for 7 days PP and things were really tenuous with my health. It could have gone either way and I am more than grateful every day that I am still here. My older daughter loves her baby sister and things are wonderful. I little more hectic, yes, of course, but that's all part of the ride :o) The honest truth is that I would have been happy with one healthy baby. I am over the moon with two but it was a trial to get here and one that I certainly could have lost my life over. But then again, living every day is a risk and a leap of faith. I know what a hard decision this is, and I am not much help. I just feel for you and know where you are. I can definitely understand counting your blessings with the wonderful baby you have.

kbunsey
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby kbunsey » Thu Feb 04, 2010 05:03 pm

Sigh...what a topic. I've been thinking about this a lot. I vacillate between, "Yes have another!" and "No way in He**!" The part that says YES wants Kyle to have a sibling, somebody to love and by loved by, somebody to play with, to share, to be connected to, etc, etc... The YES part of me feels good about our healthy 2nd pregnancy, the odds given by my MFM, how awesome it was being pregnant (when I wasn't being totally freaked out) and how awesome it is having our beautiful, healthy baby and just the absolute wonderful miracle he is. The NO part of me reads stories about getting PE again; thinks about the other crazy things that can go wrong in a pregnancy; worries that I won't be able to afford, love, nurture, attend to or handle more than one. The NO part of me is afraid - and there is that nagging voice - constantly - "You were 'lucky' with Kyle - there is no way you could get that lucky again!" And then there is my PTSD that's resurfaced. I had a giant panic attack last week and couldn't get out of the shower. So....I donno. I feel like I did when we decided to get preg the 2nd time - I did it b/c I stood up to my fears and wasn't going to let them rule my life. And everything worked out amazingly well for me. I had a wonderful pregnancy and a great delivery (well, except for that Pitocin) - but - I mean, could I be just as lucky again? Do I want to play the odds? What if it isn't great again and then I have to live with those consequences? But - it could be great again. So...I'm not any help on this topic. But I appreciate reading everyone's comments and having the space to think/talk about it.

acovington
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby acovington » Fri Jan 29, 2010 09:13 pm

I understand exactly what you are going through. I had my son 3 monthes early because of pre-e and we are talking about trying again. I met with a specialist who thinks that your chances are better of not getting it if you conceive within 18 monthes of your first child. I do not know how accurate that is but my son is almost 15 mths now and I still have mixed feelings. I am worried about the baby being born with health problems or too early to survive and also my own health. I am also worried about neglecting my son who I already feel quilty for leaving to go to work each day. You are not alone in your concerns. I am right there with you. It is not an easy decision to say the least. Wishing you all the best.

alexa5
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby alexa5 » Fri Jan 29, 2010 08:29 am

Oh, all of you that tell me having two is not "that much" harder makes my decision more difficult :-) Every time I have convinced myself I am done with one for sure, someone tells me what you did and then I question it again. To try for a sibling or not try for a sibling, that is the question!

I have to ask, wasn't it harder the next time around losing sleep after you got used to getting some? Although our son sleeps pretty well, I still feel like we haven't ever gotten to a complete consistency, but we get more sleep than we would with a newborn. Plus they would have to share a room which I fear would cause sleep problems with our current son.


blznbec
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby blznbec » Wed Jan 27, 2010 04:03 pm

I was in your position....the age factor. We had to make up our minds because of this issue and fast (35 when I had my son). Someone posted it depends on your individual situation, which I think is a big factor as well. I was the one that was sick, not my baby. I was confident that I would be ok the next time around, but unsure of what would happen with a very premature baby. We took the chance, although it took us about a year and a half to conceive (longer than we anticipated), and went to 36 weeks (just before my 39th birthday) before pre-e set in immediately and endangered my health.

The daily grind with two children (and yes both my husband and I work full-time) isn't that much more and my son is actually a great helper. Your kids will be closer in age, so two young ones will be a bit more difficult.

Ultimately we wanted our son to have a sibling and with the reassured care that our doctor would provide, we went for it. But....we would have been fine with one as well, especially since we think our son is one of the most amazing little boys around.

glimmer
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Re : Anyone here deciding to just have one child?

Postby glimmer » Tue Jan 26, 2010 00:11 am

Interesting question. I have two children (a bit over 2 and 4 months), so hope I am welcome :-)
I'd like to add two thoughts:
1. I do feel limited in the time I devote to each of them, but am amazed that already they give each other affection and love. My son loves the baby and understands that he has to wait sometimes and my daughter smiles at her brother more than at me.

2. I seem to be very affected by my hormones in that after each delivery I immediately wanted another child. I think it's good to wait at least 1yr before making another decision.


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