Surrogacy after PE

[julie f]

D'Arcy,

A lot to digest... I wish that life were easier and that choices like these didn't even have to be made... What a dear friend to offer all of this though.

My SIL and a friend both mentioned this after we lost Zach but for me, it wasn't really an option. Not that I wasn't terrified of carrying a baby myself, but I am just too much of a control-freak, I don't think I could have handled it. For someone that can handle it though, I think it's a very generous and wonderful option.

I wish you the best.

[michellelhuston]

D'Archy,

I know that there can be a lot of legal issues with a surrogate. But if a close friend of mine offered to be a surrogate, I think that I would take up her offer in a heartbeat. I have just not had any fiends bring it up. Of course they are all young and just getting started on their own families. I would really research all of the pros and cons though! Good luck on your decision and please keep us posted on everything!

[darcynulph]

To answer a feel questions about my fried, she is acctually my daycare provider, she the type of person that loves children, is giving and wants to share that with others. She would not charge us and she is in great health and I very close to her in her last pregnanacy and the old risky thing she did was eat hotdogs. I haven't take to my ob yet which is her ob with her last child so he has bothof our histories, I figured that I needed to get through the mental part of it(basically making sure that I wanted to go forward before I involved my ob) The cost is high, but if I am willing to pay well over that for a car why would I do it to ensure my health and give my future baby the best start. I have had one 30 week preemie and a m/c at 6 wks and at 12 wks. I have been reading about the legal as well about the medical aspect of having a gestational surrogate and think that we may need to fly to California for our appointments because you don't have the same legal rights in Arizona. I have been doing the research online, but have not posted yet. My friend just had a baby last month via c-section so it will be awhile before she could be a canidate. I am going to give myself until the end of the year to decide, but I appreciate your feedback and welcome more. If anybody wants to share their positive or negative opinion I welcome it, especially the negatives.

Catherine-I am sorry about your loss, I missed that in the forum. My heart goes out to you.

[darcynulph]

To answer a feel questions about my fried, she is acctually my daycare provider, she the type of person that loves children, is giving and wants to share that with others. She would not charge us and she is in great health and I very close to her in her last pregnanacy and the old risky thing she did was eat hotdogs. I haven't take to my ob yet which is her ob with her last child so he has bothof our histories, I figured that I needed to get through the mental part of it(basically making sure that I wanted to go forward before I involved my ob) The cost is high, but if I am willing to pay well over that for a car why would I do it to ensure my health and give my future baby the best start. I have had one 30 week preemie and a m/c at 6 wks and at 12 wks. I have been reading about the legal as well about the medical aspect of having a gestational surrogate and think that we may need to fly to California for our appointments because you don't have the same legal rights in Arizona. I have been doing the research online, but have not posted yet. My friend just had a baby last month via c-section so it will be awhile before she could be a canidate. I am going to give myself until the end of the year to decide, but I appreciate your feedback and welcome more. If anybody wants to share their positive or negative opinion I welcome it, especially the negatives.

Catherine-I am sorry about your loss, I missed that in the forum. My heart goes out to you.

[akemt]

I don't know enough about your own situation, but did you talk to your OB or peri about another pregnancy? The statistics for miscarriages, on their own, are fairly positive. Do you have a diagnosed underlying disorder? Have you had more than one miscarriage? While I know it is scary on all accounts (post-preeclampsia pregnancy AND post-miscarriage), I would talk with a doctor you trust before entirely discounting the option of having another child yourself. It very well may not be something you want to risk again and surrogacy might be a great alternative. But, in my mind atleast, it would be best to be sure you are firm in your decision (have discussed it with trusted experts, thought through it thoroughly, studied it out in your mind, etc) so that the regrets you have are in relation to what live threw at you and not what you did or did not do. Does that make sense?

I did a search of the forums because I have this vague recollection of someone posting links to a surrogacy support/info type website and my following them to read up on it a little. Now, of course I can't find anything of the sort! LOL I did find a number of previous posts from women who've also considered the same:

http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=10499 (is surrogate at risk for pre-e?)
http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=3713 (same)
http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=12842
http://www.preeclampsia.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=2045

If I happen to dig up the link from who knows where (Maybe it wasn't from the PF?) then I'll post back later... There are a TON of surrogacy websites online if you do a search.

Best wishes in your decision,

[shannons]

There's certainly a lot to be considered with surrogacy. There are the financial aspects (who's paying and how and what if they don't), the health aspects (does she drink caffeine, does the husband or other friend of the woman smoke, etc.), the woman's emotional aspects (is she a high-strung person, etc., as the hormones can affect your child's personality to a degree), the child's emotional aspects (how might he/she feel about the way they came into the world and about their surrogate mother) and the personal issues (how much can you be present, will she get sick of you being around, how will it affect her to give this baby over after birth and affect your relationship with her) and lets not forget all the legal issues. A friend of ours offered to do this for us a couple of years ago, just after she had their second child. We ultimately decided against it for more than one reason. For one, we couldn't afford to pay out of pocket for everything and neither could they, knowing neither insurance would cover something like this. For another, she was at increased risk herself because of age and also I felt her personality (being a bit high-strung and...well...self-pitying if I may put it that way) was a bit on the unpreferred side for someone carrying my child. So, really it is up to you after you consider all the different aspects of it and decide if it is "for you" or not. For us, it was not. It could be the answer to your prayers, however. No one knows that but you and God, and He probably has a little more insight, so if you want someone's opinion, you know who to ask. ;) Wish you much peace in making your decision and much luck with whatever way you decide to go. I think it would be awesome if it works for you!

[heather j]

I don't know you or your personal situation very well, so I'm sort of unqualified to respond. That said :), assuming you trust this person implicitly, and your goal is to have another baby though not necessarily carry it yourself, then I would go for it! I know going into this second pregnancy has really been playing with my head a lot, also the emotional stress of the "unknown" is wearing on me already and, really, has been since the beginning. I completely understand that the stress is too much! And it's good that you aren't limiting your options...

[darcynulph]

Since losing the baby last month I am terrified to try again. I don't know if I can handle the stress of the unknown if we try again. The cards are really getting stacked against me. My chance of reoccurance of PE was 30% before the m/c and I was feel like things weren't going well before the loss, just like with my dd and my clock is ticking-KWIM, I am 35. A very dear friend of mine has offered to be a gestational surrogate for us, she has had 4 healthy children and she is 29. I know most of you have been through this fear of the unknown and I want to get your feedback. All points of view are welcome as feedback. I value all of you so much. Thanks!