Having a hard time being home....

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
surefoott
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby surefoott » Wed Apr 15, 2009 11:58 am

Nothing much to add from what others have said, but in looking back, I think what you are going through is perfectly normal and so understandable. It is hard for me to think that far back, and while I know it is a trite and overused phrase, everyone who said, "this too shall pass" is so right. And believe me, even though it is hard to fathom right now, it will pass so fast you won't believe it. The phases (and years) just start flying by, despite what it seems like to you now. I'm sure others who have older children will agree here!
I know that doesn't help right now, though; so I'm thrilled that you have a wonderful support system in these ladies who are fresh with these feelings. Lean on them, and they will get you through this.
I am thrilled for you for the birth of your little guy, by the way!

debbie78
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby debbie78 » Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:27 am

Oh Su, I can't add much more than what has already been said. Everything you are feeling is completely normal after all you have experienced. I would urge you to talk to your doctor-- if for no other reason than maybe s/he can give you something to help you sleep. You need rest, momma.
Sam having his days & nights backwards is normal, too.
I wish there were more I could say, or something I could do. I'm thinking of you and I hope you know that everything you are feeling is "normal." (((((Hugs)))))


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heather j
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby heather j » Tue Apr 14, 2009 10:43 pm

Su, I hope you were able to talk with your doctor and get some needed rest today. With each of mine, there were countless times I was a sobbing wreck in those first few weeks wondering what I had done - no sleep, pain, a crying baby, a wrecked body, etc. Those first few weeks are *so* hard; anyone who tells you that it isn't either a) has a 24 hour nanny or b) is a liar ;). When little Sam Jam is sitting up spitting pears in your eyes and smiling at you, this will be such a distant memory.

I agree with Lori, there is no reason you should be in such pain, and I hope they've done something to help you out.

We love you, Su!

mnmom
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby mnmom » Tue Apr 14, 2009 06:04 pm

Oh, sweet girl! I think we all want to reach through our computers and just give you a hug. Sleep really will make much of this better. I still get muscle twitches and the shivers from being over tired.

And, I can honestly say that I also grieved for my "old" life after bring each baby home. A large part of that was due to hormones, I am sure. Some is reality. It really will be years before you are likely able to curl up and read a book of your choice, when you want, where you want and for how long. And PBS trumps my TLC almost every time. Bath time continues to be my escape.

But as others have said, there will be so many moments that make this all so worth the pain. That first smile, that baby breath on your chest as you rock him, that sweet smell just after his bath, first words......

I hope you were able to have a good conversation with your doctor today. You shouldn't be in that much pain that you cannot sleep. Don't worry about when you sleep. Sleep whenever you can. Don't be afraid to reach out for help. And come here often. We love being your cheerleaders!


anyasmom
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby anyasmom » Tue Apr 14, 2009 04:25 pm

Just echoing everyone else that this is totally and completely normal. To be perfectly honest, the first few weeks home with Anya were some of the most unpleasant of my life. And I love my child dearly - more than anything in the world. But your hormones are out of control, you are exhausted, your body is completely drained, and there's not much you can do to fix it.

But, just like everyone else said, it really does get better and easier. Before you know it, these days will be a distant memory and you'll have a smiling, happy little night-time sleeping baby on your hands.

missgamecock
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby missgamecock » Tue Apr 14, 2009 03:14 pm

I just sent you an email. Call me!!! Everything you are going through is normal. I went through the exact same thing when I had Sara down to the not sleeping. I literally went 8 days straight without sleeping for a second. I finally slept when they put me under conscious sedation when I had a d&c 8 days pp. Everyone gave you good advice. Meds are NOT a bad thing!!! I was worried about it happening again with Cate and had my ob start me on meds right away. It was WAYYYYYY better this time. The first time around with meds I was ashamed. Now I am like yep got meds and proud of it. A nurse in the hospital tried to make me feel bad about the meds. They made for a happy mommy which made for a happy baby.

Just remember one day at a time and it only gets easier from here with a new baby. If one day at a time is too much, then do one minute at a time. Sleep when that baby sleeps, even if it means sleeping during the day. MIL gave me * for sleeping during the day after the Cate was born, but you know what, who cares. I adjusted my sleeping cycle to hers. If he won't sleep, Cate and I do something we call chest naps cause she is a boobie girl. I lay on my back on the couch with a couple of pillows under my head and she sleeps on my chest. I put my hands on her to protect her and we slept like that many days and nights. That way we both got sleep. I have told that to a couple of moms that are friends with new babies and they were like wow that helped.

I also agree about a trip. I planned our vacation in August when we came home with Cate. :)

sonja
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby sonja » Tue Apr 14, 2009 03:06 pm

Su - I read your post this morning and didn't have much to add that the other gals here haven't said, but I have been thinking about your post so much today.

Being a mom is hard! You did a wonderful job of expressing what is going on with you - it took me a lot longer to get my feeling out from hiding. Your life changed 100% overnight and it takes so much adjustment, add to that not getting sleep and it is a miracle that any of us survive, but we do. It sounds like you already know that you should contact your OB, and that is a great thing to do - you want what is best your you and your new little guy.

One thing that has always helped me get through rough patches with my girls is the knowledge that "this too shall pass." I know that right now it feels like you will never get good sleep again in your life, but you will, I promise.

Take care.

annoited
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby annoited » Tue Apr 14, 2009 12:24 am

Su Congratulations on the birth of Samar... Just found out you had him, and i'm so sorry you are feeling the way u are. I'm sure things will get better and you'll be able to get some sleep pretty soon! Goodluck~

jmom08
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby jmom08 » Tue Apr 14, 2009 11:38 am

I second all the replies about letting your doctor know about all your symptoms! I am so glad a nurse is coming to help, and please continue to get help for your post-partum needs -- I had a close friend with post-partum depression and she said getting help made it feel like she could see the sun again!
I've had muscle twitches when I've been sleep deprived, and they went away within a few days -- but I would still ask the doc just in case.
I can completely relate to the feeling of missing out on your favorite things, and living in 3-hour increments. Like everyone said, it gets better!! I had to keep reminding myself of that (over, and over!), and it's true. My best advice is to rely heavily on anyone and everyone able to help you out right now. Some other things that helped me get through the no-sleep period were to spend a few minutes (even if it's a very few!) each day doing my very favorite things, and thinking about / planning something I really wanted to do in the future. It sounds silly, but for me, it was when we eventually would to take our son to Disney -- a trip almost two years in the making, but I started planning the week we brought him home. It was such a happy thing to think about. =)
Sending many good thoughts your way!!

susheli
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Re : Having a hard time being home....

Postby susheli » Tue Apr 14, 2009 11:32 am

Oh Su! (((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))
The beginning is so hard, I could have written your post in the days/weeks after Aurelia was born. Feeling overwhelmed and terrified by the changes happening in your life and the new responsibility for another person is so normal. And both hormones and sleep deprivation play a HUGE role in how we feel after birth - I don't think anyone knows what sleep deprivation really means before having a newborn to care for. I think admitting your feelings and accepting that they are there will help you feel better sooner and I'm so glad that you shared here.

I was also high risk for PND and it really helped me to talk to my OB and then a psychologist about how I was feeling sooner rather than later (it helped in my case that I was still in hospital during this time). I was given some medication to help me calm down and be able to sleep and that made an enormous difference. I think I took them for about a week.

In the end I didn't develop PND and never needed anti-depressants. I think it is too early to know whether this is PND for you, or just the normal "baby blues" when hormones come crashing. But it is NOT too early to ask for help with how you are feeling now.

I'm thinking of you and hope you're able to sleep and feel better really soon.
xoxox Sush


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