what have I done wrong?

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
surefoott
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby surefoott » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:07 am

Erin said exactly what I was going to. It will change every time you just think it is one way or another. And when they are teenagers, then it changes again. Frequently at that point, "Mom is the mean one" - HA HA since it is usually mom who is on them to 'clean their room' or 'take off all that makeup', etc., but even then, it goes back and forth. Unfortunately, just one of those things we parents have to get used to.

deerhart
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby deerhart » Thu Sep 18, 2008 11:57 am

And be prepared for it to happen again and again as your child gets older. They will constantly switch which parent they want etc...

And then they hit the age of reason and they do it to manipulate and get their way (got to lve kids after age 4 LOL). My youngest always wants which ever parent he isn't getting in trouble with or didn't tell him no!

jana m
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby jana m » Sun Sep 14, 2008 01:23 pm

Thanks, everyone. I probably overreacted a bit yesterday, but I feel better knowing that this is just a normal phase.

Thanks for putting up with my hysteria! :-)

season
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby season » Sat Sep 13, 2008 10:07 pm

I will agree with everyone else - this is normal. Some kids just go through phases where they favor one aprent. Who knows why. It is hard to take though. Plan some special stuff to do with him - jsut you adn hom. That way youg et the connection you need from him - then when you and Dad are around he can go to Dad as much as he wants and you will be OK.

My daughter has ALWAYS preffered me. SO much so that I get tired from it. (she's 4 years old.) I have also seen some kids who are so the toerh extr4eme - way preferring Dad.

One tip - don't make him feel bad about this. If he knows it upsets you or you try too hard to get him to go to you when he wants Daddy - it may backfire.

kelly w
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby kelly w » Sat Sep 13, 2008 06:33 pm

This is definitely a normal stage and nothing personal, so please don't feel one bit guilty or like you have done something wrong!

This is a stage most of my kids have gone through. One day you will be the "favored parent" again, it just takes time.

Hang in there!

Kelly

amarah
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby amarah » Sat Sep 13, 2008 06:01 pm

This is sooo normal, and I know how you feel. My 2 year old prefers her father, and him and I arnt even together. I used to get really frustrated, but soon I noticed that she changes her preference about every 2 months or so. And its been getting better. You have done nothing wrong! Kids are confusing sometimes.

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heather j
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby heather j » Sat Sep 13, 2008 04:16 pm

You haven't done anything! I promise! He's just being a toddler. Nicolas never really went through a preference at a young age (as long as it was at least DH or me and not other family), but now that he's older, he wants time with dad. He'll ask every morning what time his dad will be home from work or how many days 'til Saturday.

Ella, on the other hand, has really started developing similar behavior. If DH gets her up and she sees me, she goes nuts until he hands her over. She wails and tosses herself all over the floor when I leave to go to the gym (the only time I ever get out sans kids). Now if there are other people, it's either one of us.

I really wouldn't (and I know this is hard) take it to heart; he's just growing up and realizing that he can do this. Seriously. And if he thinks it's really bothering you, he'll probably do it more - because he can. Toddlers really - and I mean *really* - lack empathy so it's more of a power thing. You're his mama, and he'll love you forever. Like all other wacky stages, this will pass! I'd just try not to make a big deal out of out, don't talk about it with DH in front of him, and just act like it is all totally normal. (((Jana)))

kim
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby kim » Sat Sep 13, 2008 04:08 pm

Hi Jana,

Yes, it is frustrating and hurtful. However, it is perfectly normal! My daughter was the same way and I talked to the pediatrician about it. It's perfectly normal for them to go back and forth. Children are masters at testing parents and he is most likely just testing his (and your) boundaries.

jana m
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Re : what have I done wrong?

Postby jana m » Sat Sep 13, 2008 03:49 pm

A couple of other things....
If he is crying or upset and both DH and I are there he walks right past me and goes to my husband for comfort. Also, if I try to take him from my husband he gets upset and cries and puts his arms out to go back to my husband.

Also, when he wakes up from sleep or a nap and I go into his room to get him, he usually cries and points to the stairs because he knows my husband might be downstairs.

I feel like the worst mother in the world. My own son who I absolutely worship doesn't even want me to hold him. What have I done?????? I am just sick over this.....

jana m
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what have I done wrong?

Postby jana m » Sat Sep 13, 2008 03:17 pm

Please help me ladies, because I am at a loss. It seems like lately, DS wants nothing to do with me and only wants my husband. He freaks when my husband leaves the room, cries if my husband puts him down and cries if I happen to be holding him while my husband is around. He only wants my husband.

Ok, I know he is only a baby, but I am starting to feel really bad about this. I mean, really, really bad. I feel like I have done something horribly wrong.

My husband has a very flexible job, so he's around a lot, so it's not like DS never sees him and misses him or something. It's like he is tolerating me when my husband isn't here, but as soon as my husband comes home or in the room it's like 'see ya later mom.'

What is going on here? I have been in tears almost all day because it's really starting to get to me and it's making me terribly sad.


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