no more babies, how'd family respond?

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
rebeccac
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby rebeccac » Mon Sep 08, 2008 11:09 pm

How does that song go..."You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself"?

There you go ;-) (You know what is best for your life/situation.)

halo79rn
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby halo79rn » Mon Sep 08, 2008 10:58 pm

Yeah, I'm not ready for permanent, yet I don't want to go through another pregnancy. Had I had sections, I probably would have gotten my tubes tied. but I don't want surgery when I can have other options. I was so worried the last pregnancy. I felt great throughout most of it.. but I was constantly worried.

My mom knows what I went through and wouldn't say one way or another to me... unless I asked for the answer. When I did ask, she said she completely understood my decision and she supports it. My mil, who brings it up a lot, which is the only reason I told her that I'm looking into getting the IUC... for the hope that she will stop already... is only thinking of that beautiful newborn and her son. she saw what I looked like for my last 6 wks of my first pregnancy... she saw me post partum when I was hooked to mag and couldn't even acknowledge them being in the room... she was all scared and concerned then.. told everyone I was dying (well, not really but she over exaggerates illness in the moment).. oh how we forget, I suppose. Then to top it all off, there's the cost. I hate to make that a factor in having children... but everything is so expensive. I want to be able to afford to feed the children I have.... not struggle b/c I wanted a newborn again. And frankly... I hated the newborn period the first time.. it was miserable.. I felt like crap for 6 wks... dd had trouble nursing ... I had to for feed her every 2 hrs the first 2 wks b/c she wouldn't gain... The only reason we had ds as soon as we did was b/c of that darn Preeclampsia Puzzle article (came out the july after dd was born). I didn't want dd to be an only child... so we did it to hope that all would be normal this time around. I felt just as horrible that last week as I did the last 6 wks of my first... only instead of gradual, it was boom. The OB didn't want to check any more than the BPP and get Logan out. Which was fine with me. But I still question if I had it again. My serum protein was super low which really makes me wonder. But even given how good that went, I will never forget my first experience. It will always be there ... hovering. And my mil is the one with the stepdaughter her died due to complications of pree. (in the 80s, not clear on details apparently).

I am tired and I'm venting... ;) thanks for the input. I don't know why I let comments get to me sometimes. I'm sensitive these days, so it's especially irritating.

thanks.

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jamie w
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby jamie w » Mon Sep 08, 2008 08:42 pm

I second Heather's last sentence!!!!!!!!

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caryn
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby caryn » Mon Sep 08, 2008 04:24 pm

I think there's a general perception that babies are nothing but a blessing. And for us, there's a perception that they're a *mixed* blessing, and we're not talking about just your basic sleepless nights after delivery, or just the finances, but weeks in NICU (with the associated killer financial costs), and the high risk of damage to the baby from preterm delivery, and the risk of damage to ourselves.

(IMHO, there are no unmixed blessings. I'm a party pooper!)

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heather j
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby heather j » Mon Sep 08, 2008 03:41 pm

I'm on the other end of the spectrum and consider it off-limits to even discuss with anyone other than my DH (and always have - even before we had any). Apparently, my MIL is slow in getting the message as she constantly (since DD was one week old) asks when we're having another. Saturday night, in front of extended family, she told me I had my work cut out for me having babies to fill up the extra rooms we've built in the addition. She laughed at her funny self, and I asked her if she was offering up her uterus to carry it, because mine wasn't going to. I think the word uterus made her have a tiny stroke. She didn't say anything else, but I'm sure she will.

I just don't get why so many people like to make such a personal decision such fodder for public consumption.

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jamie w
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby jamie w » Mon Sep 08, 2008 12:28 am

On most days I swear I am done, no more, no how. Then every now and then I get that baby itch and I try really hard to just push it out of my head. If I even mention having another baby my family flips out and insists I must be crazy. I can't imagin how it would be if they wanted me to have more- mine are dead set against it. Somehow what I want doesn't matter much to them I suppose. Ultimately, you are the only one who has to be ok with whatever decision you make.

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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby surefoott » Mon Sep 08, 2008 12:07 am

I can understand where you ladies are coming from, but from a Grandma point of view, I can tell you that it is a sad, final feeling when you hear that from a child. I honestly thought that my daughter, even after she got married, would not have any more children other than the baby girl she had in High School (now 16) and that made me really sad. And I am thrilled that she is now pregnant, but now she says this is going to be the only one, she will be content and happy with two daughters. I suspect she will change her mind, but the only advice I give her is to be absolutely sure and think it completely through before she does anything permanent. Whatever she decides will work for me; she and her DH are the ones who have to ultimately decide. But, I had a tubal after my 3rd child and always regretted it and I don't want that to happen to her. Fortunately for me, I got remarried to a man who had full custody of his 4 children so I did end up with a bunch of kids. But I guess what I am trying to say is that we grandparents KNOW that it is your choice and we have to support whatever you decide, but it is still hard to realize that the joy of hearing that a new grandchild is on the way may never happen again.

ria
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby ria » Mon Sep 08, 2008 01:00 am

We're also done, fini, factory closed (got a tubal after baby #2). Thankfully, our families have been more than supportive. It's such a personal decision. I admire the Mom's who have the courage to continue to bring babies to the world after multiple pre-e pregnancies, but I was too scared it could happen again and not wanting to ride the scary roller-coaster pregnancy again.

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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby haileysmom » Fri Sep 05, 2008 04:28 pm

I hear ya! We're done too! Even though I did not get sick this last pregnancy if was full of stress and non stop worry not to mention the 300+ awful self inflicted injections. I know I can't go through it again.

My husband comes from a very small town that is very catholic and everyone of his friend/family there has at least 3 kids. I'm so glad we had a boy that way at least I won't have to hear my MIL complain that poor Todd never got a son! Throughout my pregnancy this last time she would make her little comments here and there that irritated me. When talking about my injections she would just brush it off and say "well it's just a little tiny needle"! She never in a million years could have done it, DH and I both know that.

My parents on the other hand, would have still been happy if we just had one.

rebeccac
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Re : no more babies, how'd family respond?

Postby rebeccac » Fri Sep 05, 2008 02:36 pm

When I told my in-laws that the doc said I have up to a 25% chance of developing HELLP again in another pregnancy, they said "that's it, that's not bad"!

Are you kidding me?! It's like Jenn said about risking life and limb. I really don't want to take any more chances and it's like they are disappointed that I'm looking out for my well being!

People just need to get over it ;-)

(Oh, and the reasons you gave for not trying for more are the same as mine except for we have one beautiful, healthy child!)


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