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Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 09:11 am
by mkvh
I had the horrible, overwhelmed feeling you describe a few months after my 2nd was born. I did talk to my OB about it, and she was WONDERFUL at recommending therapists who deal with women's issues. I hope you have the same luck with yours.

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 00:00 am
by halo79rn
hey.

thanks for all of the responses... I have an appt with a gyno on Wed (to discuss bc options and ppd vs pmdd, the move is one thing, but the week before my cycle, which returned with the move, has been a nightmare, I mean, seriously, I had to call in to work b/c of it.. and to get a referral to a therapist, I don't know anyone else to ask who I should go to).

so just pray for me (if you pray, if not, any good thoughts are accepted too). thanks again!

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 11:19 am
by season
I'm so sorry that you are having such a ahrd itme wiht you move and dh.

Even in good circumstances (ie both people want to move and are excited about he new place) it can take a year to really feel settled. Everyting is new when you move - even doing erraqnds is MUCH more stressful because you are sitllelarning where everything is.

Can you find a local moms group to conenct with? Sometimes just having a regular place to connect with others can really help - wiht our mood, our perspective etc. (Sometimes they have childcare too - so you get a break from the kids too.) Also, metting other moms might mean you ahve some abck-up wehn needed. Like they can take the kdis for a playdate whil you get a nap etc.

My DH and I went through are ahrd period when he was considering an oversees postion taht I was sure was not right for us. Just the decision process was tearing us apart. We did find soemoen to talk with and got soem gret eprspective. he helped us understand the toehr person better. My eyes were openned mroe to why dh was having a hard time haaring my reasons for not wanting to do it - that instead he was feeling that I was holding him back form this opprotunity to succeed and be the provider of his family etc. He was having a hard time seeing how it would really impact me - on a day-to-day basis. (Just as your dh seems to be having trouble seeing the imapct this is having on you.)

Can you find someone to babysit - so the two of you can talk? You caould start by asking about the job, how he's doing etc. Give hm some encouragment too- I often forget how much our men need this. Then you can get into what a hard time you are having. Tyr though to make it not his fault - jsut give your feelings and the hard circumstances. Hopefuly you cna work together to find some solutions.

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Wed Aug 27, 2008 10:30 am
by halo79rn
thanks ladies... I'm feeling better .. got some sleep which helps... definitely finding a therapist next month when my insurance kicks in... it' sjust a crazy year.

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:52 am
by kara
Bridget,
I think ocunseling is an excellent idea....even if you have to go yourself. It will help you, and that in turn will help the kids. The kids are your responsibility, but hDH is a big boy and not your responsibility. Maybe if you just start going he'll want to go just to see what you guys are talking about. Kwim? I've learned over time that I have to do what is right for me. You can't force him along, but perhaps you can make the situation better by talking, by getting some ideas from the counselor, etc. Hugs dear. I haven't been in your exact shoes, but we've had our struggles as well, and I can relate.

Oh, and I totally agree with Alice.

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:41 am
by aundapenner
Bridget,

I just wanted to say that I think you're doing the absolute best you can with what you have. :)

((hugs))

About the reprimanding of your 2-year old ... I'm a SAHM and I get that way sometimes too. And I feel just as horrible. In fact, yesterday, DH went out to the store "real quick" :) and I was trying to fold laundry, with Henry. Yeah, you can imagine how that didn't go. I yelled and yelled a lot, telling him to stop. When DH came home, I was done folding (took twice as long, but hey, it got done) and escaped into the other room where all I heard was Henry yelling yelling and yelling some more. Talk about making me feel like an a**. I called him to me, gave him hugs and kisses, and quietly told him that we weren't going to yell anymore. He didn't and neither did I.

Take it easy on yourself. It's stressful enough to be just a mom, much less a working mom, much less a working mom in a new job, much less a working mom in a new job in a new city, much less a working mom in a new job in a new city with no one around nearby to vent to!

(((hugs)))

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 11:01 am
by caryn
Yeah, DH didn't have any other offers, so here we are, even though we wanted to be closer to our families too, and my job is still in Phoenix, and I haven't landed one here yet because I do something for which there is little demand here.

I wish we could get together for coffee. After you get a nap. :-) Counselling's a great idea too. I really think the first few years on the tenure-track are the suck for spouses.

Hang in there, girl.

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:50 am
by halo79rn
no.. part of it is that I'm just so tired. I haven't caught up on sleep... but then I feel like he's not "in it" with me. He's not considering me at all with any of this. He says he is, b/c he thinks this will be great for us... great for his career... great schools for the kids. But what about me? This wasn't part of the agreement. When he was looking at post docs, he mentioned this city ... I said for a post doc, maybe, but not for permanent. I want to be closer to our families for permanent... what does he do.. go closer to our families (only 12hrs instead of 25) for the post doc and move us here for a "permanent" position. I quote that b/c I don't know how permanent I will be here. Our relationship is crap right now and he shows no interest in repairing it with me b/c he says he doesn't think anything's wrong. We just have to do what we have to do... only we didn't have to move here. He had other opportunities. He chose this without two thoughts of even discussing it with me. We need counseling big time... but I don't think he'll go. I brought it up for the few months before our move (between the time he told me he accepted and the move).. and he didn't want to go. I used to enjoy my kids and my marriage and I just want that again. I feel sad b/c I don't enjoy the kids right now.. I do at times.. but I just feel to overwhelmed to really relax. I have so much to do. I want my mom here, but her MS is worsening and she was sent to see a specialist in New Orleans. She doesn't know what the plans are yet, so she cannot schedule anything to come up, not to mention, it would probably make her feel even more weak. My husband doesn't get that.. he thinks she should be able to drop everything and come. He thinks b/c she still walks (with a cane) that she is fine. He doesn't get it that it's affecting her breathing and her jaw and that she's weak.

Oh I think writing this is making me feel somewhat better.. I need to start a journal again.

Re : Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:43 am
by caryn
Bridget, moves are just overwhelming when you lose your whole support system. With both of you adjusting to new jobs and your kids adjusting to new daycare and a different house and a different city... bah!

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time! If you were near to Pittsburgh I'd come help you clean and unpack if you traded with me (we moved on the 1st of August)! We had a move-for-hubby's-job two years ago, and we're just *now* getting to the point where we think we know where stuff is in this region, what our schedules are going to be like... it was utterly discombobulating.

Can you bail to a coffee shop with a book for a couple of hours when your DH gets home and just take a break? (The dishes will be there when you get home, alas.)

Feeling completely overwhelmed

Posted: Sun Aug 24, 2008 10:35 am
by halo79rn
I just want to go home... I am so overwhelmed. We've had so much go on over the last few years... now we move to the big city, I have to take a job that I don't like in a hospital with a bad rep for our family... so the kids aren't in daycare full time. I work nights... and work Friday night only to come home to a hubby who "needs" to go into work... so I didn't get any sleep until Sat night... now I have to work tonight and he went into work today "just until noon." which is what he said yesterday. I've just about had it. I didn't want to move here to begin with.. it's too expensive here. I think I could like it here eventually... but right now it's just too much. I told my husband I thought it would be too much... he accepted the job anyway... find out that was before he even talked to me about it. I feel like my life is out of my hands. I'm so frustrated. I'm snippy with the kids, mainly my 2 y/o. I just put her in time out and she wouldn't sit... so we went through the start over and start the clock over again and again until finally I just swatted her bottom. Now I feel guilty.... just terrible. I want to cry.. but cannot b/c she's right here. I'm so finding a therapist as soon as our new insurance kicks in... that or I'm moving home to my parents. I'm just so overwhelmed. My husband doesn't seem to care.. he just says "oh it's fine.. I've worked it out" yet he doesn't look at the bills coming in. He doesn't seem to care that I have no help here... and that that includes him. He doesn't help. He was supposed to pitch in more after our move.. he's not doing it. He thinks swiffering the floor once in a blue moon counts.. unloading the dishwasher once in a while. But then I get home from a 12hr shift (which is really 14 hrs away from home) and the kitchen is a mess... I spend my next day cleaning instead of resting. I'm so sick of all of this... all of it. It's not fair to my babies. He thinks they will have so many more opportunities here than back home.. which is true in the long run... but what good is it if their mother's depressed and resents their father? I know I'll get passed this one way or another... but man, I just want to go home right now. This has been the hardest three years of my life and this move has got to be the hardest one of all of the moves we've made together (3).

just needed to vent.