The whinning....

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
bellemama
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Re : The whinning....

Postby bellemama » Fri Mar 07, 2008 08:39 pm

"I think she is confusing big girl WORDS, with big girl VOICE. :-) Guess I should name it something else....less ambiguous. "

--- Meant to say, yes, this can be a problem! That's why we say use your "quiet voice" not your "indoor voice." Once my sister asked one of my nieces to please use her indoor voice. Except they were outside, which my niece quite loudly and rightly pointed out... :-)

bellemama
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Re : The whinning....

Postby bellemama » Fri Mar 07, 2008 08:36 pm

Kara, I know this seems basic, but instead of asking what, do you ask what, specifically? Like, "Do you want some milk?" "A cookie?" If this makes her still (or more) frustrated, get silly -- "An elephant?" "A chocolate covered pickle?" etc. I found a little silliness goes a long way to defusing temper tantrums, if you can switch gears in time...

This will get better, if you stick with it, I promise...

jenanderson
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Re : The whinning....

Postby jenanderson » Fri Mar 07, 2008 03:52 pm

OH Kara, I feel your pain! I have been trying the same things with my DD. Last night she threw the mother of all temper tantrums at Target, she got so worked up she puked all over the floor! Embarrassing! I have no idea what she was even worked up about, it started out as the please Mommy whines and went downhill from there! If you find something that works please, please let me know! I am trying to be extra patient as we are only 5 weeks into her being a big sister, but I think I am going to lose my mind somedays! Why is it I stay home with my children again? By the time my fiance comes home I need to lock myself in my office for a bit to chill. Thank goodness it's friday!

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Re : The whinning....

Postby kara » Thu Mar 06, 2008 07:05 pm

I've tried that too, and then she'll hang on to my legs...little stinker. I've regrouped and pulled myself together. ;-) I'm thinking she needs a little more structure...and hopefully with going back to school 2 -3 days a week, this will help with that. She is a drama queen...has been since the day she was born, not breathing and all! Mommy realizes that mommy has had a difficult week too....so that makes her nerves a little more frazzeled. Now for some yoga and meditation...OOOOOOOOMMMMMM!

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heather j
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Re : The whinning....

Postby heather j » Thu Mar 06, 2008 04:23 pm

Have you tried completely ignoring her when she acts like that? I mean acting like you can't even hear her? I remember pushing Nicolas in a cart while I was choosing Christmas ornaments (he was maybe 2), and he started the biggest FIT ever. I just kept on selecting ornaments like it was the most normal thing ever; I would pause momentarily to apologize to the other shoppers who smiled and gave me the "oh, we completely understand" look. He did this to me twice, but no more. It may not work, but what do you have to lose? [;)]

One time, he tried throwing his body on the floor in front of me (at home) to fit, and I stepped over him and went to another room. He picked himself up, followed me, and through himself down at my feet again! We went through three rooms before he stopped. Craziness....and he's the laidback one of my two; it should be fun times when El gets bigger.

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Re : The whinning....

Postby kara » Thu Mar 06, 2008 03:14 pm

Val, We would be happy to give her what she wants when she can only muster "please"....but it's those times when we have no clue what it is she's asking for. We ask her waht she wants over and over "please, what? What can mommy get you?"..and she just keeps saying please and then it turns into a sob fest again. I think she is confusing big girl WORDS, with big girl VOICE. :-) Guess I should name it something else....less ambiguous. She has a big vocabulary and we understand pretty much everything she says, so that's not the problem. I will continue forward with this for another week or two and see if it gets better.

And Christina....I hate it when I snap at her or feel like yelling. I know that accomplishes nothing really...but more frustrations for both of us. My aunt had a big spoon too. :-) Man we were all afraid of that thing. There were like 6 of us cousins and if one of us got in trouble and didn't confess, we ALL got the spoon...lined up shortest to tallest.

bellemama
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Re : The whinning....

Postby bellemama » Thu Mar 06, 2008 03:00 pm

Kara, I hear you, I can't abide whining...

The only thing I can tell you is that with my hard-headed Jake, it takes two to three weeks for any new behavior change to take effect. When I put my foot down about the whining (using the techniques above), it got worse before it got better and it took about two weeks for any real change.

It's tough, but consistency is key. If you give in just once, you're doomed and you have to start over. [;)] I also found that this was one of those tantrums I would basically ignore -- I wouldn't leave him alone or anything, but I would just express sympathy ("It must be hard to have to use your big boy voice, but I know you can do it.") and keep about my business. Once he knew he couldn't push my buttons (or at least, couldn't see that he was) the tantrum wound down.

On the not always using her words but just saying please, I found that most of the time, it was better to go ahead and give Jake what I knew he wanted, because sometimes using his words was just really beyond him at that age; two is still pretty little for consistent self-control (I think). Managing a polite "please" was an acceptable compromise, particularly when I knew he was tired/hungry.

Good luck, it is hard but the results will be worth it!

Oh, and we do timeout in public. I have left the grocery store, library, whatever and gone and put Jake in the car for timeout (of course sitting with him but being silent). That seems to make an even bigger impression than timeout at home...

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Re : The whinning....

Postby alaskamommy » Thu Mar 06, 2008 02:54 pm

Kara ... bourbon and coke. Works every time, LOL.

And you know the other thing that works REALLY well?
(sorry if this offends anyone, but .....)
The Spanking Spoon. We have a big, fat wooden spoon and all the kids know what it is for. They get spanked only for very serious backtalking or out and out defiance (or things like, say, hitting their 3-year-old sister on the head with a dinosaur). One whap for each year of age. And after one or two spankings (I mean in their life, not in one day, LOL) they get the idea. So usually the only need to see the spoon to be reminded.

It really works. And frankly, I believe it's a lot kinder than me losing my cool, and yelling at them, which is usually my other alternative. =D

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Re : The whinning....

Postby kara » Thu Mar 06, 2008 01:09 pm

The whinning has gotten worse! Now, when I even attempt to use the "mommy can only hear big girl voices." she realizes she's not going to get what she wants immediately, so it turns into a half hour whine-and-sob fest. I can't even get her attention! I've even tried raising my voice and doing the whole whinny mommy bit to distract her...nothing. She turns bright red, sobs and does this warbly-whine until she is shaking and her face is soaked and her nose is running down to her chin! The only thing I can do is put her in a different room and close the door. Dear Lord help me. I am not a patient person to begin with and this process is pushing me to the edge of pulling out my hair!! I can only dread what age 13 is going to bring us!!

So the "mommy can only hear big girl voices thing" works for about the first 15 minutes after she wakes up from a nap which is when she is in the best mood. She is pleasant then and will stop and then ask nicely. When she asks nicely we are very quick to respond and praise her for talking nicely and using her big girl voice. Though sometimes when we ask her to speak nicely she will just say PLEASE, over and over again, and not tell us what it is she is wanting. Sometimes it's obvious and that's fine, but sometimes we have no clue...and then she has a fit again.

We don't give in to her whines so I'm not sure why this is getting worse and not better. When we aren't at home it's a disaster...hard to put her in time out or in another room when we are at the grocery store.

Will this take several more weeks before it starts getting better, or am I doing something wrong?

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Re : The whinning....

Postby mommy1st » Thu Feb 21, 2008 06:15 pm

I just wanted to share with you girls this website called beforekids.com
It has this t-shirt that I am going to order and it says:

Before kids....Whine used to be a beverage

I just LOVE it!! It's a great website for cute little sayings for mommies!:)
ENJOY:))


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