I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

So, the baby's born, what comes next? Discuss your postpartum and parenting concerns here.
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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby missgamecock » Wed Oct 11, 2006 04:21 pm

I am so so sorry for your loss of little Theo. Please help your babies try and get a good peri that will help them.

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby mommajo » Wed Oct 11, 2006 04:18 pm

I am very sorry for your loss as well, I had been wondering how they were doing when I saw your update. I have tears running down my face as I type this. Your poem is lovely. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby sonja » Wed Oct 11, 2006 03:59 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. You wrote a lovely poem. I hope that Michelle and her husband find a wonderful Peri that they really trust to help them through their next pregnancy.


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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby tdalka » Wed Oct 11, 2006 03:54 pm

You all are so wonderful and to get the email notifications of your care and concern has helped me through this rough time.

I'm not sure how to share this news, so will just say it. Little Theo was born at 1lb 12 oz and 10 inches long on August 27, 2006.... he was on a resperatior for a few days, then a ventelator which we though to be good news. He grew to 2 lbs 14 oz and 14 inches when he was diagnosed with Menengitis. He pass away in his daddy's arms with momma right there on Sept 29, 2006. I would like to share a poem I wrote, and a small note that the other grandfather wrote....

Theo, child of my child,
You brought wonder and awe
That from our Father was styled
To show his love and law.

Small you may have been,
Tiny and oh so helpless.
You fought as twenty men
But now you are at rest

Gone you are from our loving arms
No more to be for our eyes to see
Taken from us were your spirit and charms
A child of now you were not meant to be

We mourn your loss, spirited child
But a peace we know, when this life ends
We’ll see your face so sweet and wild,
Your laughter and joy, our hearts will mend.

You are my first grandson, first-born of my first-born.

Your being is as much in my heart as if your life was much longer. You see, Grandson, it is not that you were here such a short time. Why you are so big in my heart is what you did with that time.

First of course, was when you were in the womb. Knowing that your soul was there, growing a body to house it, added great energy, purpose and excitement to your parents lives. Through their telling of your antics, the rest of us also thrived. And when that body stretched and kicked to show off its growth and strength, you added laughter as we grandparents remembered what your parents did in the womb.

After your birth, Theo, you exhibited even more of your strengths and personality. The way you held your mother’s finger and your attitude when ripping off that which was attached to your body, are just two examples.

Yes, Theo, we have great tears of sorrow that you are not still with us. But our tears are also of pride in remembrance of the great strength, vitality, warmth and purpose that you revealed.

Thank you, Theo.

THank you all again.... the kids do intend to try again as soon as Michelle is released by the doctor.

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby celticepona » Sat Sep 02, 2006 09:13 am

I just wanted to echo that my dh and I needed my parents and his so bad postpartum...although Emmy was not technically considered preemie, she was so small, and I was on restricted left side bedrest for 3 weeks postpartum which made it physiclly diffiuclt to care for Emily and impossible to get any household tasks done...my mother and father were there every day to help me...and the emotional support was wonderful because what had happened to me and Emily was so scary. my mother did laundry, cleaned and cooked, my father helped to spell her and fixed Emily's bottles, and my inlaws served as backup if my parents could not be there...dh was working alot so my parents and inlaws were priceless....thank god for grandmothers like you and my family...we would have been lost!

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby darcynulph » Fri Sep 01, 2006 09:53 am

My suggestion is to ask them what they would like help with. Sometimes you just need to be alone with your baby in the NICU, they may want you to take a shift at the NICU so somebody is with the baby most of the time. I agree with the others that there is always things at home to take care and in my case the house work really fell behind the sicker that I got. Most importantly just be there to share the joys and tears of the upcoming weeks. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby meg hanrahan » Fri Sep 01, 2006 08:19 am

I just want to second what Julie and Fiona said. I know when my daughter came home from the NICU I was glad that my mom kept the house clean, did the laundry and cooked for us. I didn't have to worry about anything, just taking care of my daughter. Even handling phone calls etc can sometimes be helpful. This is a very trying period for your son and daughter in law. I think it is great you want to help - your family is in my prayers.

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby emersons mom » Wed Aug 30, 2006 05:00 pm

thinking of you, your grandchild, son and daughter in law today and hoping all is well!!!

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby amiejo » Mon Aug 28, 2006 11:03 am

I just wanted to say that you are a great mom to take the time to research and find this site. There is a lot of wonderful women on here that have been through this scary ordeal. Everyone has told you exactly what I would have said. Just be there for them and do whatever you can to help them at their home. I know that when this happened to me at 29 weeks, it was a shock and I was terrified. I was totally unprepared for anything I needed at the hospital. This will most likely be a roller coaster of emotions while the baby is in the NICU and they will need support. My daughter was in the NICU for 8o days. I also recommend taking as many pictures as possible. We were hesitant with our first and wish we had more. Also ask as many questions as you need to. I'm glad you found us and will be looking forward to hearing about your daughter and grandson's recovery. Best wishes.

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Re : I'm Grandma, and want to help but......

Postby fiona » Mon Aug 28, 2006 01:21 am

I think everyone has given great advice. You can alleviate a great deal of pressure on your SIL if you take over the practicalities of the house - make dinner without asking what he fancies etc

The other thing I would say without knowing anything about your family relationships, is to always keep in mind that though you are going to be deeply worried for your daughter, the only thing on her mind right now is her own child. Also, don't be offended if her and her husband need to be left alone together a lot. They have been thrown into the most scary, unreal sitaution and it's something they need to journey through together as new parents.

I am so sorry that you are all in this position, and I hope to hear positive news of your grandson in the coming days. I think it is wonderful that you have taken the trouble of finding us and I hope you will return with any more concerns and questions.

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