For parents of older preemies...

[samarasmom]

I know what you ladies mean. Everyone always told me that tantrums wouldnt last long. And then when they saw how long my son could go they were amazed. Some of these kids have some energizer batteries in them that keep going and going and going....Its definatley hard to listen to and very agitating but you have to deal with the situation sooner or later and I prefer to teach right from the start instead of stalling and making us both miserable before then.


Sandra 23
Michael Abron ( fiance)
Elijah Kristopher Michael Abron ( 43 wks no complications) 5/6/99
Isaiah Liam Abron ( 37 wks PE and Preterm labor) 3/25/02
Samara Juliyana Abron ( 35 wks PIH and poss PE ) 7/21/04

[laura]

Oh sweet Jesu, I'm glad you guys are talking about this, because I thought my kid was the only one who could tantrum indefinitely. It didn't happen often, but I have to say that it was the reason we couldn't get our older one out of our bedroom (she was down to a sleeping bag on the floor) until she was FOUR- we'd try to move her and she'd cry and work herself up in intensity all night to the point where she'd not be able to speak the next day. *sigh*

Laura
Administrator/AK Area Coordinator

Alicia (severe PE) 5/98 ~ Camille (htn, oligo) 4/03
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/camilleandallie/

[deerhart]

Thats the hardest part of it all. We would put Alex in his room for bed and he would tantrum for not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4-5 hours long (basically until he fell asleep from sheer exhaustion). It was the worst thing in the world to listen too, but once it got through to him that it wasn't working anymore the time gradually decreased. Now that took a couple of months until it got down to a more bearable 10-15 minute or less stage, but it was well worth it. We simply had to decide that we were no longer going to give him exactly what he wanted. Insdtead of coming into the room we would talk to him from the hallway and only allowed 1-2 minutes of us trying to calm him down before walking away again. We also freely gave hugs and kisses (at the door) untill he started using them as a stall tactic and then he got several of them and then told that we had to save some for the next day.

Finally when all else fails and he wants to scream and screech I found the number one way to quiet him down.. I just turn the TV or Radio up louder. He makes a futile attempt to scream over it and within 2-5 minutes he stops screaming (I think at first it was out of sheer wonder at what I was doing) and wait for me to turn it down. Then sometimes he protests again ( and the volume goes back up until he quiets down) but usually he gets the picture and speaks to me in a better quieter tone.
The other thing that works (because he does get so worked up and redfaced/hot) is to apply a cold wet washcloth onto his face. My mom suggested it to me because it used to work on me at that age and it works wonderfully with Alex as well as also teaching him to try to learn for himself when he's too worked up and to try to calm himself down. It worked well enough that several times he would be upset and trying to calm down and he would ask for the washcloth because I hadn't gotten it yet. We have now moved beyond the washcloth (though it reappears from time to time) and are working on teaching him to blow clouds when he gets angry or upset (take a deep breath and then make clouds by blowing the air out through your mouth). Its very hard to scream or screech when you blowing as hard as you can.

Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go

[aimeejane]

I WISH ignoring worked so well in my house. I walk out of the room, and he screams and screeches for an hour...yes, an hour.

T-minus 3 days until school starts...

Aimee
Georgia State Coordinator
Moderator - Pregnant Again

Ds Nicky - 3/24/00 (28 wks - eclampsia)
Ds Kalen - 7/10/03 (36 weeks - preeclampsia)

[deerhart]

LOl Mason does the head banging thing, in fact both boys did from about 11-24 months. he sits down on the floor spreads his legs and smacks his head right into the ground *sigh*. He also throws things much more then Alex did/does.

We also ignore the head banging things (except watching ot make sure he didn't hit his head too hard since his favorite spot is the ceramic tile floor) and eventually they stop it.

Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go

[samarasmom]

Kara
Isaiah has done the same things except he falls face first and bangs his head on things. He even started throwing things at you. The other day his brother took something from him and he went calmly over to the other side of the room and picked up his sisters bouncy seat and if I wasnt there you can imagine what he would have done. He is too and he can pick up his 5 yr old brother. He has some strength to me let me tell you.
For the tantrums as they get worse what we do and it works is ignore them. I walk away and he stops. For awhile when I would walk away into another room he would follow me and throw himself again. Evevtually he learned it doesnt get acknowledged in my house.
Hope yours isnt soo hot tempered as mine

Sandra 23
Michael Abron ( fiance)
Elijah Kristopher Michael Abron ( 43 wks no complications) 5/6/99
Isaiah Liam Abron ( 37 wks PE and Preterm labor) 3/25/02
Samara Juliyana Abron ( 35 wks PIH and poss PE ) 7/21/04

[maxs mom]

I laugh at these posts, thinking to myself I am in for it. So far Max has been an absolute angel. He loves to play by himself, loves people, is really easy going. And then these little episodes just started. He throws mini tantrums. They only last 10 seconds, but when I take the phone away from him (have to, he's already called 911) or any other gadget he shouldn't be playing with (cell phone, palm pilot, etc) he throws himself down and starts to cry. Like literally throws himself on his back, bumps his head and all, and starts to move around on the floor and start to cry. And I stare at him thinking, "Oh boy, if I am getting this at 19 months, I am in for it by the time he is two" As I have said, they only last for 10 seconds. I usually just pick him up or distract him to something else, and he is fine. I see that little mind ticking and I know before I know it, it is going to turn into a full blown temper tantrum. What else could I expect from such an independent child? The good news is, I am prepared. and although I know it's going to be a battle for independence until he walks out that door to college, I will always love him as my little "Mighty Max". As I am sure you all love your children too!

Kara (34)
DH, John (36)
Max, 1/20/03, 25 wks, 1lb. 3ozs. (IUGR), severe PE
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/m/mightymax/

#2 is on the way, EDD at 36.5 weeks is 3/24/04

[laura]

Sandra- I have a Bull and Ram, too!
I'm an Aquarius, so I sit and wonder where all that noise came from.

Aimee- I feel ya, girl. I can't express how much I'm feeling ya right now. I know my girls are precious gifts from God I should bow down every day in thanks for, but my kids are trying and I wouldn't be fair to myself if I couldn't admit that out loud every once in a while... I am a woman on the verge as it is. You are not alone.

Laura
Administrator/AK Area Coordinator

Alicia (severe PE) 5/98 ~ Camille (htn, oligo) 4/03
http://www.babiesonline.com/babies/c/camilleandallie/

[samarasmom]

Elijah is my Taurus ( Bull) and Isaiah is my Aries ( Ram) I think Samara is a Crab, ( not sure her sign( 7/21). But I am sure I have another difficult child. I am glad she is not a Leo ( Lion). 3 beasts in this house would not be nice. I am not fond of Libras ( their dad is one) and our zodiac says we are a difficult couple and it will be a miracle if we can make it. Going on 8 years in Dec. So take that you Zodiac HA LOL

Sandra 23
Michael Abron ( fiance)
Elijah Kristopher Michael Abron ( 43 wks no complications) 5/6/99
Isaiah Liam Abron ( 37 wks PE and Preterm labor) 3/25/02
Samara Juliyana Abron ( 35 wks PIH and poss PE ) 7/21/04

[deerhart]

LOL Aimee
My mom is a pieces (born on the last day of the sign March 20) and I am an ariea (born on the first day of the sign March 21). The nice thing is that pieces are known to be a bit calmer and help to calm and soothe the attitude of an ariea :)

My Alex is a Taurus and both my husband, Mason, and my Dad are libras (LOL)!

I understand perfectly taking the kids for granted. Some days it feels like we have been put through so much that we have earned an easy, quiet, perfect little angel, but alas its not to be. on the other hand, I also beleive that a perfect quiet child would be rather boring and would any day take all the troubles and heartaches my children have given me already to ensure they continue to have the personalities, spark, curosity, and drive they do have!

I have had to consiously learn to enjoy my children because they weren't what I expected them to be. But I can honestly say that after 4 years, there are 2 things I most enjoy from them... seeing thier faces light up and get huge smiles when they see me screaming Mommy and watching them both sleep so peacefully and quiet without a care in the world!

Erin

Moderator - Parents of Preemies
Missouri State Coordinator
Mommy to Alex (4)and Mason (1 1/2)
Law Student - 1 year done, 2 to go