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Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 05:31 pm
by susan863
Thank you so much, everyone, for your wise, kind, helpful words. I have tried counseling and talking with friends and family, among other things, but there is nothing as helpful as talking to those who've been there. You guys keep me keeping on.

Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 02:54 pm
by cindyh27
((Susan))

Thinking of you and your baby... you're not alone... the women here are a wonderful support system... lean on them... be gentle to yourself!

Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Mon Oct 01, 2007 10:49 am
by sckitzo
It has been a year since my last battle with eclampsia. I do not feel anywhere near normal yet. I have had alot more to handle this last year, which adds to it. Loss of our son, and loss of two other babies of close friends, job loss, Bad car accident(still in treatment a year later) Loss of hope for future biological children, Loss of Grandparent, Battling chronic ear infections and surgery for our premie, Weight loss and growing concerns for our premie. So We have a lot more then just PE to recover from. I am very tired everyday, Don't know if I am still getting over PE, of the Chronic Back/Neck pain from the accident, of if emotional stress is causeing my fatiuge. We have still managed to cope, and you will eventually find a new norm. Give yourself time I was feeling close to normal about a year after my DD was born but thats also when I got my boobs back that was part of it.

Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 04:08 pm
by emersons mom
agreeing with Caryn.....it amazes me all we have been through and just today I could not remember the name of the Dr in the NICU that we wanted to complain about....seems so long ago, yet our lives will never be the same as we thought they would be...that little family of 3 that lives day to day with calm and conviction.....we just seem to run from one trauma to a new stress!!! I heard a lady on the radio today say "the beauty of daily life is in the little things the making of dinner or picking up dirty socks"......i have yet to find beauty in either yet, but I will try!

Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 09:56 am
by aundapenner
I think Caryn has really described becoming a parent the best when she said that life becomes a new normal ... very very true.

Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 06:42 pm
by caryn
It is hard to see, for yourself, that you're lucky -- even when you are. And some days, harder not to see how much luckier than you a lot of other people are, if that makes sense.

As everyone's said, it does really get better. I had the severe PE + loss of paycheck + father of the baby dealing with job complications stemming from the time he took to care for us, myself, and in some ways we're still recovering from it, but you do get a new normal, one that feels comfortable and manageable, if different.

Much of it is truly just the impact of a new baby. (The girl I know who's struggling the hardest right now had a picture-perfect birth a year ago, but has been slammed with the adjustments a baby forces you to make in your working life -- which we just don't discuss in the USA.) But piling a complicated recovery for you and the baby on top of that just bites, especially when it screws up everything else precariously balanced on top of your ability to get something done over the course of a day.

((Susan))

Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 06:27 pm
by aundapenner
Susan,

(((HUGS))).

It's normal to feel like your world has been turned upside down because it has.

Becoming a parent is hard work. Recognizing how hard it is, is very important.

I denied the depression that overcame me right after my son was born, though I was the one also dealing with personal issues (my father suffered a massive stroke and died around the time I conceived).

To this day, I still have feelings of guilt, but I can look more joyously at my son.

In the beginning, I knew I was grateful, but I didn't feel it. (KWIM?)

My only advice is to take care of you (so you can take care of your family). If you suspect post-partum depression (any depression diagnosed up to 1 year after birth tends to fall in this category), talk to your OB or your regular doctor AND insist they do something!!!! (It took me 6 months to come to the realiztion that I needed help and had a hard time getting the help I needed.)

Please feel free to email me if you'd like ...



Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 06:06 pm
by kara
Susan,

I've been in your shoes. Still am, to some extent, but almost 2 years later, things are getting better. I know, that's a long time. I definitely had some Post traumatic stress from the whole experience, and even though we have lovely little babies to hold, it doesn't mean everything automatically becomes fantastic. I was always depressed more after talking to friends with babies around my daughters age. Their babies were perfect (or so they said), slept through teh night at 2-3 months, perfectly on track. And they didn't have huge hospital bills, or have to quit their jobs to care for their babes. Sigh...

I assum someday I will feel completely back to normal, but now I'm just trying to struggle out of the debt I have accumulated during this time. Things do get better, but it can take awhile. I would personally reccommend talking to your doctor about therapy or meds or both. PE and preemie parenthood takes a big toll on your body, your mind, your emotions, your finances, your personal life, and sometimes your whole life plan.

Please cut yourself some slack and take care of you as best you can. There is no shame in getting help to cope through it. I think our babies deserve to have us, their moms, in top form regardless of whether we need therapy or meds to get there. It really helps.

((HUGS))) to you!
Kara

Re : Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 06:00 pm
by fiona
Susan,

I didn't feel myself again until Jay was 4. Don't hold yourself to exacting standards: you've been through a physical and psychological crisis and not being all wrapped back up neatly yet is only to be expected. Having a child in the best of circumstances throws most people's lives for a loop. Developing a serious disease and coping with the added responsibility and worry of a preemie is a complete mind and body blow.

Ramble on, my dear. We know exactly where you're coming from. It will get better. Honest ;-)

Will I ever feel like myself again?

Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 05:27 pm
by susan863
After battling with severe pre-e, having a preemie, being unable to return to my job on schedule or get them to give me more time, and having my boyfriend (father of the baby) experiencing a personal crisis, I find myself wondering... will I ever feel like myself again? Sometimes I feel the pull of depression, definitely.

Still, Annabella is growing steadily and (knock on wood) seeming healthy and developmentally on-target so far, so there is definitely that to be grateful for. I know I should feel primarily happy and lucky. I don't know. It's just been such a surreal time for me. I heard some lyrics in a Dar Williams song recently:

"And it felt like a winter machine that you go through and then/ You catch your breath and winter starts again/ and everyone else is springbound." Those words really capture some of what I've been feeling recently.

I think I'm rambling... thank you, all of you, for being there... I don't know what I'd do if I didn't know that others have been dealing with some of the same challenges.

Susan