New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Are you part of the NICU club? Do you have a child who is still struggling with the effects of being born too soon from preeclampsia? Share your concerns and stories here among parents who have been there.
christine lyn
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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby christine lyn » Thu Jan 05, 2006 03:08 pm

I know exactlly how you feel. I had my son at 29 weeks and have the same emotions you have. I start thinking how I missed out on all of the pregnacy things but then stop myself because I have my son who is healthy. I feel some times so ungrateful and then hate myself for feeling like that. I dread going through all the baby items to get rid of because I do miss the baby stage and it just means it's final. Plus I'm so sentimental that I would love to keep everything but can't(just a few things). Glad to know that I'm not the only one who feels like this.

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby jenandtheboys » Wed Jan 04, 2006 08:38 pm

Thank you so much, mommyof1 and all of you! I am doing better, had a little time and distance from the situation, etc. It's an ongoing thing for many of us, to have these feelings, but I guess some times are worse than others. I've just thrown myself back into work now that school's back in, and am focusing on that and my boys (as it should be).

THanks again for listening, and I'll return the favor for any of you whenever you need it. ((((hugs to all))))

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby mommyof1 » Wed Jan 04, 2006 08:05 pm

Jen I just read your post. I'm sure by now you're are feeling a lot better.

I just wanted to let you know I feel the same way about feeling like I have no business talking about my pregnancy. I got a little further but my daughters were very small so I never had a huge pregnancy belly. I had some of my friends over the other day and they were talking about losing pregnancy weight. I always feel I have no right to EVER talk about losing my pregnancy weight. Well one of my friends looked at me and said you look great. You don't look like you just had a baby at all. Well I snapped back w/ if you want a 1 lB. baby you can look just like me. After I said that I knew I had to just chill out when ppl talk about pregnancy and realize that they may think that my pregnancy can be compared to a normal pregnancy.

Oh and about that jazz lady being purely beautiful. I'm sure she is. But you are too. In a way she can never be either.

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby missgamecock » Tue Jan 03, 2006 06:32 am

Wow, my babies were not as early as you guys, but Jen you nailed it right on what I have been thinking lately. I put away Sara's preemie and 0-3 mos clothes this weekend and was going through a whole bunch of emotions. I was thinking about to when Kirsten was a baby and so small (she weighed in at 15 lbs, 3 ozs at 1 year) and well Sara is a porker compared to her (15 lbs 1 oz at 6mos). I too have heard it must be nice to have babies that early --- ummmm no especially when they are emergency inductions and your baby is having heart decels. They didn't want to come out early, they were made to come early. I remember the look of people asking me why I didn't feed Kirsten more to make her bigger. Or this one was the killer, your baby is so advanced, how old is she. Ummmmm 1 year old, wow, why is she so small. I already posted about the 9 mos preggo that was at the gym everyday, doing stairmaster for an hour and on her cell phone. I saw her and the baby at Wal-Mart. I was so jealous when she was pregnant because she could do all this stuff, knowing that I couldn't before and probably never will. I had a bad thought, when I saw her, I thought, hmmmmm not so peppy now are we. She looked really really tired. I mean that is terrible. Sending you a lot of hugs Jen and glad that you are able to voice what many feel....

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby whosures » Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:11 pm

Oh wow, you ladies are all so wonderful. I wish I had come to this play when Riley was still really little. I always get upset when someone says to Riley "and you just wanted to come out early, didn't you??" I want to scream at them!! "NO, she didn't want to come out early. I never went into labor!! They had to rip her out of my body while I lay half comatose in an operating room with tears running down my face while my husband held my hand and promised me everything would be okay. She didn't want out! My body wanted her out. I failed as a mom. She didn't fail as a baby."
Whew, okay, didn't know that needed to come out. Apparently I still have some pent up feelings on that. Sorry about that. :)

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby jenchar » Mon Jan 02, 2006 02:17 pm

May I just say a very loud DITTO to your thoughts? My sis is pregnant with her 3rd and is due 2 days after DD Meghan's birthday. I remember feeling so incredibly afraid, in denial, mad, and confused when Megs was born. She is talking to me about how she'll feel big as a eyed monster again.

NO, you are not crazy. I think it is a very normal reaction to feel the way we former PE/HELLP survivors do here...especially us moms of preemies. Yes, you are right to value that you have your sons, but you are also grieving the loss of a normal pregancy...whatever that means.

HUGS...I've been very reflective too lately, and giving away the girls clothes too. The finality of it all can sometimes be too much. DH and I have said that we might consider adoption in a few years.



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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby mama2twins » Mon Jan 02, 2006 11:54 am

WAAAAH! Jen your feelings are so right on for so many of us!!! I often think that I have moved on and can deal with pregnant friends who complain and can't wait to get the baby out of them....and then a relapse...a total melt down. I too often get a little unsure of myself when I talk about "when I was pregnant". Can I talk about this to people who know that I only made it to 27 weeks and 2 days? Do they all think "she doesn't really know what it is like?" So many times I have felt uncomfortable when I met someone new, in the presence of someone who knew my story. It goes like this: the new person says, "oh my gosh, I can't believe that YOU had twins a little over a year are so thin!" and then I feel like I have to say, "well I didn't carry them full term, so I never really got huge" just so the person who knows doesn't think that without me saying it. SO silly, but that's what I do.
I hope you find comfort in knowing that so many of us feel exactly the same way and that it is not crazy, but just the way it, unfortunately, is for us. You have to balance those "I failed at being pregnant" feelings with "I am a better, dedicated, mommy, who never takes a single moment for granted, because I know where my boys started and where they are now!" (easier said than done) The fact is, we DID make these beautiful babies, we DID carry them long enough so that they are here with us today, and we are all super moms who survived difficult times that are harder than most people have dealt with all their lives.
Lots of ((((((HUGS))))) and I hope today is free of pregnant women!!!!
I have another rant/question of if I am crazy in my post to must be the holidays.

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby alexp » Mon Jan 02, 2006 08:59 am

quote:But if I am honest, I admit that she is purely beautiful in a way that I never was and never will be.

Actually, Jen, I think most of us would have to agree with you are pretty d*mn beautiful just as you are [:)].

I'll be back to write more later - just know that I'm thinking of you, and thank you for posting this. (((HUGS)))

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby lorelei » Mon Jan 02, 2006 08:21 am

Oh Jen...Your post made me cry. I'm sorry you had such a sad evening. Yes, you are very lucky that you have two boys that survived being born so early..but you do have every right to feel the way you do. You missed out on a lot of your pregnancies with both boys. You probably never hit that waddling stage, or to be so big pregnant that everywhere you went people asked you about everything to do w/the baby. I know it makes you sad. I feel like I was robbed in Hunter's pregnancy bc literally from 24 weeks til he was born I was home or in the shopping, no nothing. We didn't have internet so I didn't even pick out his nursery mom did it all. I'm so thankful that she did, but I felt so detached from the whole thing.

Don't EVER say that you didn't do something marvelous when you had your boys...You GAVE LIFE to two amazing little boys. Whether they were pushed out or surgically removed, they still came from you and that's more amazing than the way that they came into this world.

I know that it's got to be sad to give away baby things. I have an attic full that I am trying to decide what to do with and it's a real struggle. I know that even if we have a 3rd some day that there will still be the emotional part of giving everything away..I wonder if that's something that is easy to do ever.

Thinking of you girl..Call me if you need me.

Love ya~ (((((((((BIG HUGS)))))))))

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Re : New Year're gonna think I'm crazy

Postby darcynulph » Mon Jan 02, 2006 00:17 am


It seems as if we are all going through the same things as the new year begins. I have been cleaning out my daughters things as well and storing them on shelves in my closet, hoping that someday I will open up the containers for our next child. There is one marked preemie that I hope to donate to the nicu, but I can't part with it because you never know if we are going to need it again. I would love to take my daughter to the nicu for a visit, letting her walk beside me, while I carry her new brother or sister and hand the nurses her preemie clothes. Now that would be an end to the story that would make me feel good.

Do we all cry as we write about this?

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