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Re: Deep breaths...
Posted: Wed Apr 29, 2015 07:17 pm
Yes, take it one day at a time and I hope that you do come back and update us or receive support...I think I used the forum to vent 3 years ago! My preE was mild and I truly don't believe I have PTSD BUT even so..... it's been three years since our story began and as much as I would love for my healthy toddler to have a sister/brother...it's scary!! Its not something I want to go through again and I'm sure you have the same apprehension about it. I am praying for you ladies and sending you all positive vibes!!
Re: Deep breaths...
Posted: Sat Jan 24, 2015 03:52 am
Being terrified in a subsequent pregnancy is completely understandable! I am currently 27 weeks pregnant, 9 years after my severe pre-e pregnancy with my son. Also same father and no underlying conditions. I was critically ill when I was admitted to the hospital to have my son, and lots of scary things were said to me and happened to me while I was in the hospital...to say nothing of how physically ill I was in six weeks preceding my induction. Even though my son (who was born at 36 and IUGR) and I both survived, the level of anxiety that I've experienced in this pregnancy has been extreme. And it is not something that anyone else who hasn't had a similar experience can understand. For about five months, until the last week, I've had nightmares about my own death every single night. Every "congratulations" I've received I've wanted to counter and be like..."wait, you can't actually say that yet! You don't understand, this is dangerous!" and then really people don't understand my reaction or feelings whatsoever. Even my own family has a hard time understanding. (And it is all new for my husband, who was deployed in Iraq during my entire pregnancy with my son.)
What has really helped has been the therapy I've been in since I was 16 weeks. I was diagnosed with PTSD and I've been in cognitive behavioral therapy for trauma with a therapist that works exclusively with women with PPD or childbirth-induced PTSD. The past two months I've been going twice a week. My level of anxiety has come down significantly, and it seems that I may not finally even be able to sleep without re-experiencing everything from my first pregnancy in my dreams in one fashion or another. I really, really wish I had done this therapy years ago, or at least started much earlier in this pregnancy!! In the beginning of my pregnancy I could hardly believe this wasn't going to be the end of me, and now I have some hope (we'll see how it goes!) and feel better and more like myself overall. I'm not "cured" yet, but I think in another month or two (providing my health stays) I can be in full remission with the PTSD. I can't say that I believe that this baby will be born and be alright, I think that I will only believe that when and if it happens. I would encourage anyone who is dealing with anxiety in a subsequent pregnancy to seek out a therapist that works with women that have experienced loss and trauma in pregnancy to help you through this. There is no way I could have done this pregnancy without the therapy.
I hope you come back and check back in with this board for support! One of the things that has helped me is reading the previous posts on this board, because so many of them are about the fear. I think this is the only place where I've felt like someone else really understands, and that the way I feel is normal. Definitely, it is one day at a time for me too!
Re: Deep breaths...
Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2015 03:14 am
I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter, I can only imagine how horrible that must have been and still is. I had pre-e with both of my pregnancies, so I can't offer personal experience, but as a mom who longs for another baby some day, I do know that usually pre-e is less severe for women if they get it again. Lots of women move on from pre-e and never see it again in later pregnancies. I wish you the best with your pregnancy and hope for an uneventful 9 months and a beautiful healthy baby at the end of it!
Posted: Mon Jan 19, 2015 04:21 pm
Last summer I delievered my gorgeous second daughter stillborn. Severe early onset PE at 30 weeks. A perfectly normal first pregnancy 2 years prior, same father, and no underlying conditions. My heart still aches for her every single day, but the pain is no where near as intense.
I just found out I am pregnant again. Very early, only 5 weeks. Scared, is an understatement. I know there are several women, who have went on to have PE free or mild PE pregnancys with significantly better outcomes. I'm hopeful, I'm optimistic, but I'm also terrified. One day at a time.