Need some advice on breaking the news...

[surefoott]

It seems like any way you do it will be hard; and there will always be someone who says 'the wrong thing' or doesn't understand. I love Sabrina's poem; that is awesome. My daughter, who has my beloved 15-year granddaughter from a high school pregnancy, suffered a miscarriage last March. Her husband has been gone on deployment and just getting back, so I'm hoping I receive something like that one of these days!!!! I'll be worried, of course, but as her mother, I'd hope to know as soon as possible to be able to support her. Plus, I think she will tell her daughter right away, and I don't think Erika could keep it from me!

[aggie95mom]

Hi Nikkole,

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to offer you that is different than what has already been said, but I do have a completely unrelated question for you. I noticed in your signature line that you are taking heparin injections and Omega 3. I take it your doctor told you to take the Omega 3? My OB told me I couldn't take Omega supplements with Lovenox injections (a little different than Heparin but still a blood thinner) so I'm just wondering if you have any information on this supplementation. I would love to take it, but I guess I'm a bit chicken if my doctor says 'no' and I don't have any studies, etc. to back up my position.

thanks, Alysha

[for faith]

Nikkole - I so remember all those feelings like others have said. Sometimes I felt like this was the only place of understanding. So happy your almost at 12wks, I was so happy to hit that first milestone. I don't have any great advise, as we were a nervous wreck telling everyone and didn't really open up our real feelings to anyone. Take care and wishing you a wonderful another 28wks until you welcome Ella's brother or sister!

[michellelhuston]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I was the same way! We told our friends and family right away because 1) my mom is really nosey and would have probably found out before I could tell her and 2) we figured that we could use all the prayers that we could get! As you can see me second pregnancy was night/day from my first. As soon as I found out I was preggers, I kept saying I just want to get past 24 weeks then I can relax. But the opposite happened. 24 weeks came and went and I was always thinking ok, well when is it going to hit me? Luckily we have great supporters. More of less everyone was just hoping that our baby would grow and have both of us healthy! Just remember that people don't always know what to say, especially given our history. It is because they don't understand completely. BUt you always have us that DO understand and we all always here for you!

[rsgeller]

Nikki, I agree with Cathy. When telling everyone, especially your family, you might want to start out by saying that Ella is going to have a baby brother or sister. That way you are reminding everyone, right off the bat, that this baby is not Ella and is not a replacement to Ella. This baby is an addition to your family. You may also want to mention that you are naturally scared but it helps to know that Ella is watching over you, Chad, and peanut. I know it's a more passive aggressive way to remind people but sometimes, that's the only way to get through. Regardless of how they respond, you have us and we support you 100 percent.

[katevans]

Nikkole,
I have to say my quote when people would tell me how everything will be fine with the pregnancy was, "we will not be happy until we get to bring home a baby" or I would add things like,"I hope my Angel Kaitlyn is looking over us" It is very difficult to be excited when you have lost a baby. I know I didn't even buy anything for Tommy until after 32 weeks. I wish you a very uneventful pregnancy.

[mom2ella]

Thank you all so much for the encouraging words of advice. Just when I think I'm alone in all of this, I post something and you all remind me that my feelings are fairly "normal"...if there is any "normalcy" in all of this. I love the poem and may use that to notify some people of our good news. I'll be 12 weeks on Friday...trying to make it out of the scary first trimester and into the even scarier second. Thanks again!!

[amillhouse]

I liked the way you expressed yourself in the posting - honest and open. Everyone might not be able to accept that, but at the end of the day I believe that if you are true yourself and your own feelings, that is what matters most and can bring you peace. We just cannot predict how others will react. I remember how one friend cried with joy when I finally told (or had someone else announce) my pregnancy with Jada. I found her reaction very overwhelming, and some others underwhleming. Hope you find a way that works for you. I tend to tell my parents first (between 6 - 11 weeks) and others much later (even as far as 20 weeks, or just let them see for themselves)! All the best to you and your DH.

[fiona]

It's so hard. We told people straight away - there was no hiding our own fear, anyway. Like Renee, I lost friends over their reaction to the death of Nate, and so I was just really careful about who I talked to at any length. Thankfully, most people were simply genuinely worried for us all and proved kind and gentle and understanding.

I would tell the people who matter, one on one, quietly. Everyone else will find out soon enough and will hopefully respect the fact that this is a pregnancy wrapped in cotton wool.

[mom29]

Our 14 month old son died when I was 6 months pregnant and I had a 2nd trimester loss in 06. I wouldn't make your joyful announcement about trying to get other people to understand your loss and subsequent fears. I would have a few chosen friends with whom you can share your thoughts and fears. People who haven't been through the same loss are truly unable to understand and most likely struggle to know what the right thing to say is. I really wouldn't put other people on the spot by trying to explain your fears along with an announcement that should be greeted with a joyful "congratulations!".