How long till body is ready to do it again?

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tinalowe
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby tinalowe » Tue Jan 25, 2005 00:24 am

Melissa--Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing compares to the pain of losing our little ones.

As for me, I was told to wait 6 months... I couldn't stand it, I wanted another child so badly. Those 6 months however flew by, and I needed them to recover emotionally.

Tina 23
DH Dereck 27

Emma Victoria stillborn 12-28-03 severe pre-e



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princess purr
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby princess purr » Mon Jan 24, 2005 12:07 am

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have good days and bad days, I have days where I want to try again and days where I never want to try to have another baby. It has been almost 9 weeks since I lost my angel and I still cry almost everyday. I have some really good days but then I have some really low days.
As far as when you body is ready, my doc told me 3 months, another told me 9 monthes, so I don't know. One doc told me when i push where the inside cut was made and it doesn't hurt anymore.
I don't know if I will ever be emotionally ready to take that risk again though.

Val (25) & Rich (26)
Married: June 20th 2001
Veronica Rosina, 11/25/2004-11/27/2004
Born at 26.5 weeks because of severe preeclampsia (doc says I was on my way to HELLP but not there yet)

for faith
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby for faith » Mon Jan 24, 2005 09:46 am

This is such a hard, hard decision to make. We waited about 9 months (I had a regular c-section and my dr said to wait 6 months) during that time I had all the testing also. There are definitely physical, but also emotional decisions to be made. Sounds like you have wonderful drs. When I did get pregnant it is so hard to go back to the same place as with my daughter and being pregnant again brings up so, so many emotions.

I hope that you are able to come to the decision that is right for you both. Take care, thinking of you,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30wks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))
OUR LITTLE MIRACLE due 6/5/05

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02

fiona
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby fiona » Sun Jan 23, 2005 11:42 am

Melissa,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious daughter. My first son was born at 26 weeks and lived for two days. Like you, I was torn apart by the twin emotions of grief and the desperate desire to be pregnant again. My OB said she had long since stopped advising women when to try again and left it up to me - I also had a classic section. My husband was very concerned about me, however, and I think we let two or three full cycles pass before we started trying. I got pregnant seven months after Nate died and carried Jay to 30 weeks - he's now a happy, healthy six-year-old.

It's so hard to be rational when your body just longs to be filled with another baby - I really remember the ache of those empty arms. I felt like such a freak and the only way I could make myself feel normal again was to be pregnant - laughable really, considering I went straight back to being high-risk. Anyway, I have never regretted not waiting. I wish you all the best with your decision and I hope that you can fill your arms with love again soon.

Fiona
dh Tom
ds Nate 12/8/97 - 14/8/97 26 weeks severe pre-e IUGR 1lb
ds Jay 4/11/98 30 weeks pre-e 3lbs 11 oz
no 3 due 15/6/05

melissam
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby melissam » Sun Jan 23, 2005 10:26 am

Thanks you guys. You know, I really thought I was doing so well. There would be days and nights I wouldn't cry or only just a little. And now it seems I am so close to tears all the time and just cry and cry. My tummy still hurts from the stupid surgery and I can still feel a kick or two every now and then. I HATE THAT! I think I am starting to move through some of the phases of grief. I think the one of the first is that state of numbness or disassociation. I felt like I was an observer to this horrible nightmare. But Over the last week it has really hit me that this is my situation. My arms are starting to ache for being empty.

Kim, I hope my doc says what yours did. I hope I will know when I am ready. But you know, I don't think we will use much protection anyway. Whenever we "try" to have a baby, we never do. It is only when we are trying to "not" have a baby that we get these huge surprises. I have done it twice now. :) HA HA HA.

I am 28, so I know I have time. However, I really want to have my current practice of doctors. They are all Peri's. They know my stuation. I would be afraid of going to a new practice and have them over look all the same things again. My blood work doesn't show the severity of my condition. I think that is how we got to where we are. I don't think I would try again until about June or July anyway...which is 6 months. Perhaps it is just the hormones that are making me feel that I need to be pregnant. But I have wanted a baby for the last 3 1/2 years. So I think emotionally I am still ready - who knows that could all change. Now I just have to get there physically.

When I was in the hospital before I had Kelsi, they did a lot of blood work and testing for the blood clotting issues and they said that they were all normal. I am sure they will run a whole bunch more tests, which I will gladly have them do. I know they will watch me like a hawk also, which again, I will gladly have them do.

Thank you again for responding. I know I am such a downer and I am glad that there is someone here that understands. I am also glad that there is someone here that has been in this dark * and has gotten out of it and knows there is a light at the end of the tunnel that I don't yet see. At least there is hope.

Melissa
Mom to:
Riley 2/9/2000 born at 37 weeks due to PE
Kelsi 12/30/2004 - 1/1/2005 (13 oz) born at 24 weeks due to Severe PE and Possibly HELLP

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kdreher
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby kdreher » Sun Jan 23, 2005 08:18 am

When I lost Tyler in 1995 I was 25 years old. I was in a state of shock, gried, anger, and confusion. I wanted exactly what you want...my baby back or to be pregnant again. I was ready..or so I thought. My OB at the time told me that I should wait at least 6 months, he didn't say I should never get pregnant. I really think I would have tried again, but in some way I'm glad I waited. My story is much different as I got divorced right after (my choice no ex's) and here I am 10 yrs later remarried and currently pregnant with #2. It has been a long time, but I feel like I am better prepared - life went different for me. I would suggest allowing yourself to grieve. I really didn't and probably paid the price for it a bit...the pain and sorrow never goes away...life does get better even though you don't have an answer to why me? I would also suggest getting any type of testing you can before you try again. See a peri and have them check for any blood clotting issues.

Kris (35)
DH, Tom (34)
Connecticut, USA

Tyler 3-9-95 to 3-23-95 (26 wks severe pe/HELLP)
Got a BFP for a 2005 miracle!

[email protected]

amillhouse
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby amillhouse » Sun Jan 23, 2005 03:22 am

I am so sorry for your loss. We were advised to wait 9 - 12 months. It has been very hard. . .

Anika

Mommy to Isaiah Dumisani Millhouse
20 January - 17 February 2004
Born at 28 weeks due to severe pre-eclampsia
Died at 28 days old of pneumonia
610 grams at birth
950 grams at death
My Angel Boy
"My firstborn, I will never forget you, always love you, and never replace you"

kfreeman
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Re : How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby kfreeman » Sat Jan 22, 2005 12:20 am

Melissa,

Thank you for your replies on my post. It is strange that our due dates were the same and that we both lost our little ones so close together. I am having the same feelings as you and life seems really to suck at this point. The main question is WHY!!! I feel lost, hopeless, and sometimes just plain sick that my baby should still be in my tummy and not have been taken away from me. I keep counting the weeks where I would be and if only I had not gotten sick for just 4-6 more weeks then maybe my Justin would have survived.
I know exactly how you feel and I know that you and I will overcome all of this based on those that have been through it. I know the pain and hurt will never go away, but somehow we will be able to deal with this. It just takes time. I know that sounds like a bunch of crap right now, but from what I have read and the people that I have talked to that have experienced this pain also have made me realize that it can be done. I have a good friend that had her first born on Jan 1 and lost her 5 months later to SIDS. I didn't know her then, but I always said I could not imagine losing a baby like that. Since then she had two boys, miscarriage, another boy (last try for girl) and somehow she got pregnant again without knowing it until she was about 19 weeks. She never gains alot of weight while being pregnant. She was blessed with another girl that was born this past Jan 1, the same day as her first daughter. So even though she lost her first daughter, she kept on going and now has 4 beautiful children, but has never forgot her first and survived her nightmare of losing her child. I of course have not went to visit her new baby. I just cant, even though I am happy for her, but being around a baby at this point would kill me. I don't know how old you are, I am 38 and my time is running out on having children, or I feel that way anyway.
In answer to your question about trying again. My doctor and I discussed that the other day. Of course I have to wait on my blood tests to make sure that they would know how to treat me. I won't have those results until the end of Feb. My doctor advised me that I will know when I am ready, if I do this again. She said of course with a c-section you have to give your body time to heal. Physically you will know when your body is ready, but she said emotionally is the most important part. She doesn't put a time limit on when to try again. She said she has had patients come in for their 6 week checkup and they are pregnant again and all goes well. Some may say that there is a time limit, but I loved her advice and I believe that I will know when my body and mind is ready to either do this again or not. If you are young then you have plenty of time to decide when is best for you. As for me I feel a little rushed due to my age. Justin was a total surprise to my husband and I as we had decided that we would just enjoy the children that we each had and love our grandchildren some day. I don't know if we will go for it again. Right now I would love to be pregnant again and have our first child together, but I know a lot of those feeling are from my emptiness that I have also. Only time will tell and I know that the decision we make will be the best one. I hope I helped with your question, but always go on the advice of your own doctor. I have read that you should wait 3,6,9,12, and 18 mos. before trying again, which shows that all Docs have different views on the subject. I am sorry you are going through this today, but if you are like me it hurts no matter what day it is or how long it has been.
Please take care and know that you are thought of.



Kim

Mom to:
Andrew 4-18-91 @ 32 weeks
Justin 12/26-04-12/26-04 @ 24 weeks

melissam
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How long till body is ready to do it again?

Postby melissam » Sat Jan 22, 2005 10:35 am

Kelsi died three weeks ago today. It seems like ages ago. Almost like I have been caught in some kind of strange time warp. I have been trying to deal with this as best I can. I am still in utah for another week. On the 30th I go back home to Virginia and finally to be with my hubby again. I can't wait.

Part of me really wants to be pregnant. I wasn't finished. I want to try right away. Then the other part goes...are you serious? You just lost your baby and already are planning on another one? Then I feel so guilty. The pain is still so intense. I am not ready to try again for a long time. I still haven't had my post-partum follow up and don't know really know everything that happened. There are a lot of questions. It just isn't fair, I was going to stay at home with my little girls. I was so ready to be a SAHM. I was going to have another little girl to hold and nurse and love.

Now I have to go back to a job that I don't like and they are trying to tell me that I don't get FMLA because the baby died and I don't need the time for "early child rearing". They don't care for me at all. After being one of their best for the last 2 1/2 years. I need to decide if I should stick it out because of the great insurance - they cover 100%...or if I should find a new job. we will be moving in just over a year. My PG's are guaranteed complicated from here on out and I know I won't be able to work the entire 7 1/5 months that my pg will be.

I had a classic c-section. I guess what I am wondering is how long does the body have to wait before trying to concieve again. Not saying that emotionally I am ready and will try. I just want to know on the physical side.

Thank you

Melissa
Mom to:
Riley 2/9/2000 born at 37 weeks due to PE
Kelsi 12/30/2004 - 1/1/2005 (13 oz) born at 24 weeks due to Severe PE and Possibly HELLP


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