I am new to the forum

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
heatherbbb
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Posts: 603
Joined: Tue Jul 20, 2004 07:19 am

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby heatherbbb » Thu Jan 27, 2005 09:30 am

I am so sorry for your loss and pain. I lost my son almost a year ago and have accepted that I will never understand "why" in this life. There would be no acceptable answer or reason. Instead, I focus on how his life made a difference to me and others and how I can make a difference in this life because I had him. I pray that as time goes on that your pain will become more bearable. I am a big fan of grief support groups and believe they have helped me inmeasurably as I deal with my grief.

Heather (32)
Mother of Seth Russell, delivered 26 weeks due to PE/HELLP 9/3/03-2/13/04
http://members.cox.net/heatherbbb/seth/seth.htm
Due with Joshua Allen -scheduled C-section for 1/18/05. Protein C deficiency & Lupus Anticoagulant (2 Heparin shots/day since 14 weeks) Gestational Diabetes

tinalowe
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Posts: 288
Joined: Thu Feb 12, 2004 09:46 pm

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby tinalowe » Tue Jan 25, 2005 00:26 am

Sorry to have to welcome you here under the circumstance... but, I am so glad you found us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Tina 23
DH Dereck 27

Emma Victoria stillborn 12-28-03 severe pre-e



dja
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Joined: Fri Apr 09, 2004 11:22 am

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby dja » Fri Jan 21, 2005 08:01 pm

Hi - I'm so sorry for your loss of little Justin. My experience is painfully similar to yours, and I also was + for lupus anticoagulant and for anticardiolipin antibodies, resulting in a diagnosis of antiphospholipid syndrome. I'm also post age-35, and my husband is in his early 40s (second marriage for him), so when we lost our daughter it was a real issue about what do to healthwise, agewise, and emotion-wise. As hard as it is to wait for testing, I think the best thing you can do is get the postpartum bloodwork up and then find out what potential treatment options you have. At that point, it was easier for my husband and I to decide to try again.

DJA
Mom to Amelia, b/d 03/19/04 @ 22 weeks due to sever PE

Expecting, EDD 04/22/05!

forlogan
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Posts: 84
Joined: Sat Oct 02, 2004 09:51 pm

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby forlogan » Fri Jan 21, 2005 07:54 pm

Kim,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You are so welcome here and have come to a wonderful place. You are very brave to express and share your story with us. Thank you. I remember the first time I came to this site I felt more anger than anything that we have all had to endure such heartache. It is so not fair and I don't know if there really is a "reason" that so many speak of. I know I haven't found one yet.

Know that you are not alone and I wish you peace and comfort. Wishing you God's blessings!

Dee (31)
DH Bryan (32)
Mom & Dad to:
Talia - 7 (full term, no complications) 1-31-97
Logan - (Stillborn at 25w due to severe PE) 5-16-04 and 4 little Angels in Heaven

melissam
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Posts: 3074
Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:48 am

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby melissam » Fri Jan 21, 2005 03:14 pm

Kim,

I was due on the 18th of April as well. This all just sucks! I am so sorry.

My docs were watching things closely because of my past, but I know that NONE of us were aware of how serious things were for me. My labs just didn't show it that way...not even after it was too late. I had a lot of ultrasounds, earlier PIH testing than a normal person would have. They didn't start me on BP meds until I was 22 weeks along. I had elevated BP long before then. When they were doing the ultrasounds after I had been admitted (they were doing them every morning) they kept saying that she was so small becuase of the high BP. They kept telling me that the low flow through the cord could also be due to the high BP...So why then did they wait so long to put me on the stupid things. With my first I was on BP meds at 3 months. My BP never even came close to what it was this time around. They started me on them the first time when I got to 128/78. This time I wasn't started on them until I hit 148/102.

At 22 weeks they sent me to the hosp to do PIH testing and the tests all came back fine and I was allowed to go home. And just 2 short weeks later I had epigastric (sp) pain and upper right quadrant pain with a bp of 170/110 and they did the tests again...elevated liver enzymes. That was on the 26th of December. I was admitted that night and went home 8 days later with no baby. I remember my doc saying to me the day before I delivered (12/27) that the tests just weren't showing the severity of the situation...but obviously things were very serious. At least we know for next time.

While in the hosp they did the blood clotting tests and they all came out negative or normal. There was a placental defect that played a large role in this and somehow I now have an RhAntibody - we aren't quite sure how that one happened as I had RhoGAM (sp) with my first. So that should also make things interesting the next time around...At least I hope there is a next time around.

I do think my docs did all they could. although I wish I had started PB meds earlier. Other than that I really do think they did the best they could have done.

Hang in there, I don't know how, I just hope you do. Sometimes I just feel like I am a hollow mold of a person going from one thing to the next. It hurts to breath, think or feel. I too just smile and put on a brave face for my little girl. She doesn't really understand. She asked me the other day when they were going to put Kelsi back into my tummy. Oh, how I wish that would work.

Melissa
Mom to:
Riley 2/9/2000 born at 37 weeks due to PE
Kelsi 12/30/2004 - 1/1/2005 (13 oz) born at 24 weeks due to Severe PE and Possibly HELLP

for faith
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Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 02:15 pm

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby for faith » Fri Jan 21, 2005 01:30 pm

Thinking of you and welcoming you, I am so sorry to have to. It breaks my heart, but so glad you found us. Wishing you as much peace as possible, I know how difficult this time is. It is so hard to look to the future too, I know. We are both 35 and knew that if we were going to try again we couldn't wait too long either. Sorry you are hearing things like "happen for a reason", no one has any idea about losing a child unless they have. It has been so much more pain that other losses. Hope your grief counceling helps.

Sending hugs to you. Thinking of you, take care,

Jill
mommy to:
Tyler - 4 (36wks, PIH/mild PE))
Angel baby - 1/20/03 (11 wks)
Faith Kristine - 1/5/04-1/30/04 (30wks due to severe PE, passed due to NEC/Sepsis (preemie complications))
OUR LITTLE MIRACLE due 6/5/05

trying for #2 to share our lives with since 09/02

kfreeman
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Joined: Fri Jan 21, 2005 04:31 am

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby kfreeman » Fri Jan 21, 2005 01:29 pm

Thanks to all of you that have responded to my post with your thoughts and prayers.

Beckyty wanted to know how my son Andrew(13) is dealing with all of this. Andrew was very excited about Justin arriving into our world. Justin's due date was April 18, which just also happens to be Andrew's 14th Birthday. That day will probably be a little tough on me, but I know that I have to put on a happy face for Andrew. While I was in the hospital those 6 days he spent the night there with me several nights and was so sweet and helpful with everything and anything. I was very proud of him even though I knew he didn't quite understand why this had happened to our family. Andrew made sure that everyone that came to visit me got to see the little blue box with Justin's foot prints that the hospital hade made for us. In fact last night he asked me if it wouldn't have hurt so bad if Justin would have only been 8 weeks when he died. My answer to him was that since it didn't happen that way that it would be hard to know exactly how I would have reacted with the loss then. I feel he is doing pretty well, but wishes that things were different. I think he is afraid for me to get pregnant again because he thinks this might happen again.

This question is for Mellisa. Did your doctors take any extra precautions since you had troubles with your first pregnancy?

I am having to go to a Hematologist because they detected Lupus Aniticoagulant and Antiphospholipid Antibody syndrome. I have to wait 6 weeks from my surgery to be tested again to see if I have either one of these diseases or if the pre-eclampsia gave false
readings.


Kim Freeman

beckty
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Joined: Mon Mar 08, 2004 02:03 pm

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby beckty » Fri Jan 21, 2005 11:04 am

((((hug))))

My story isn't much different from yours. It's so painful and impossible to comprehend I know. You are doing so well for yourself to be in counsel for this.

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. It's sad to have to welcome you to such a board, but I'm very glad you've found it. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.

How is Andrew dealing with this? It was very VERY hard for my 10 year old. It's been a year and he still gets sad.

Thinking of you and your husband and Justin...

Becky

Mom to Tyler (10) and William (in Jesus' arms at 27 weeks. 01/18/04 - Severe placental abruption at 15 weeks followed by severe PE and HELLP at 27 weeks. Delivery by emergency c-section)

Pregnant Again!! edd 08/31/05

melissam
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Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:48 am

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby melissam » Fri Jan 21, 2005 08:34 am

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I was admitted to the hosptial that very night. I lost my little Kelsi at 24 weeks on the 1st of January...she was born on the 30th. I am in the very boat you are. I am in so much pain. I just cried and cried last night. I don't understand either. I haven't been able to go to any grief counseling yet. I am clear across the country. I live in the DC area, but we burried Kelsi in Utah. I am still here. My hubby returned the day after the funeral and burial. So I have been here empty tummy, empty arms and my hubby isn't here to hold me. I have my family and they say the same thing, but it doesn't really help. I know things happen for a reason, but that doesn't help my heart.

We were just like you. Kelsi was a huge shock. We weren't planning it and didn't have the money or know how we were going to make things work. My hubby doesn't work...well, he does, he just doesn't get paid yet (student). I am the only one working and have insurance. After the first few nights of sleeplessness...we got used to the idea that it was real and then we got very excited.

I was jipped. I didn't get to finish my pregnancy, my hubby didn't get to deliver her and now he will never be able to deliver any of our children (he is a med student), I didn't get to raise my little girl...although I did get to hold her as she left our world. I wasn't finished. Then I still have to go through all the post partum things. Milk came in, hormones are raging, post-partum bleeding, tummy and body still reworking themselves. It isn't fair.

I know exactly how you feel...or pretty close to it. I am so in the depths of this. Sometimes I don't know how I will take another breat. Everything hurts so much. I haven't been here very long yet, but it has already helped me to know that others can relate...although I wish they didn't have to. It helps to "talk". I wish you the best of luck during this horrible time in your life.

Melissa
Mom to:
Riley 2/9/2000 born at 37 weeks due to PE
Kelsi 12/30/2004 - 1/1/2005 (13 oz) born at 24 weeks due to Severe PE and Possibly HELLP

mom2tori
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Posts: 3842
Joined: Wed Aug 25, 2004 12:57 am

Re : I am new to the forum

Postby mom2tori » Fri Jan 21, 2005 06:03 am

It is so hard to look towards the future when your heart is still so full of pain. I am so sorry about Justin, my heart aches everytime I hear of another mother having to say goodbye to her much-loved baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you make your way through this terrible time.

Alissa mommy to:
Dominic 9/10/97-9/11/97 @ 28 weeks
Victoria 1/8/02 @ 30 weeks


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