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Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Wed Apr 22, 2009 03:11 pm
by rachelc
You have been through so much in the last few years. I can't imagine the emotional burden you must feel right now. You are amazingly strong and resilient and now you have a beautiful son. He is your miracle in so many ways. I am sorry for what you and your husband are going through. I can't even begin to imagine what it's like to go through what you have with Ella and Ethan without him to rely on for comfort and support. You will be in my prayers!

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Wed Apr 15, 2009 10:08 am
by summerw77
I hope you are feeling better today..........

I just want to add I so relate to what you are going through. I mean mine is not quite as severe as yours but it is very similiar. After 10 yaers of being with my DH, we had a baby and now we can't even sit in the same room together. 8 weeks after I delivered I got a clitoral absess and have been having to drive monthly 12 hours each way to see my dr. at an awesome hospital. I'm in so much pain now that I cry at least 3 hours/day. I am on so much medicatino that I am so mean to everyone. I feel like this should be hte happiest time of my life, adn with my tubes tied it will be the only time I experience having a baby in my home, and instead of spedning every minute treasuring it I am spending every minute in so much pain I just hope I don't gas myself that day and wake up to a new day filled with pain. So I totally do relate. I mean I haven't lost everything YET but wtih very little hope of ever beign outof this pain, it won't be long.

You will get through this> I know you will. Just enjoy every minute of your son, because it's going to fly by! I can't imagine taking care of a special needs baby alone, you must be exhausted.

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Tue Apr 14, 2009 10:56 pm
by patty
(((hugs)) Thinking of you.

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 08:23 am
by hannahsmom
Hi, Nikkole -

I am happy to hear that Ethan is home. What a hard, hard time you have been going through.

I wanted to share a story about my sister, if I may. She had a miscarriage a couple of years ago, and she and her husband decided to try for another child soon after that. She finally became pregnant and was due this month. The pregnancy was very high risk and she had to be put on bedrest. In January, her husband told her that he no longer loved her and never wanted the baby, and said that he had been seeing other women and was currently having an affair with a woman several states away. She was devastated, but had to keep her bp down for the baby. She went into early labor and had to be hospitalized. She delivered 5 weeks early on March 3. She filed for divorce last week. It has been very hard for her, but she has found strength that she never knew she had. I know you will, too. Look at what you have done for your baby boy. He is so loved, and he will admire his mother's strength and determination once he is older. Hang in there. We never know why life throws us these difficult situations, but it's how we handle them that matters.

Take Care -

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Mon Apr 13, 2009 03:07 am
by lucy
My heart breaks for you Ime so sorry I wish there was something I could say. Sending s many hugs your way.

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Fri Apr 10, 2009 06:53 pm
by missingjasper
Nikkole, I'm so sorry to hear about everything your going through. ((HUGS))

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Thu Apr 09, 2009 02:46 pm
by joker
Big hugs to you Nikkole, you can vent here as much as you need to. You have been through so much over the last few years, it just isn't fair. I think of you often and keep up with Ethan on the carepges updates. You are so strong and you do deserve a break! Much love.

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Wed Apr 08, 2009 09:34 am
by brooklynsmom
Oh Nikkole, I am SO sorry you are going through this. You are such a strong and amazing mother, and will continue to be. You have been through SO much in these last few years, more than some people go through in their entire lives. I am so sorry that Chad betrayed you while you were growing your miracle man...you didn't lose him, he lost you! You are a much higher price to pay, he has NO idea how amazing and strong you are. Please know I am thinking about you and Ethan and praying for you!

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 05:16 pm
by elainej9
I think of you often, I wish we lived closer and we'd go out for tea. I know its hard to hear your strong but you are. Ethan is an amazing little man with an amazing Mommy.

Re : Tired of loss...

Posted: Tue Apr 07, 2009 12:44 am
by jacobkaden
Oh Nikki, I am so sorry to hear this! You have been amazingly strong throughout this difficult journey. I pray you have enough nursing and family/friend support to get you through these tough times - as you know, caring for a baby with a vent and trach is tough with 2 parents, let alone 1! This is so not fair. Is Chad going to help you with Ethan? You are definitely going to need a break, even to run errands, never mind to keep your sanity, regardless of how much you love Ethan! You will find the Aaron's Tracheostomy Board a huge support. We also now have a facebook page to chat about non-trach related issues, which is also helpful. Hugs xoxo