My heart is heavy today......

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
jsu_work
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby jsu_work » Tue Oct 14, 638600 11:30 am

I'm glad they helped.

lola1971
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby lola1971 » Thu Oct 02, 638600 2:41 pm

I know I am late on this- but I wanted to say thanks for the words of encouragement. They did help alot. Thank you.

debbie78
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby debbie78 » Wed Mar 19, 638600 4:56 pm

I echo what the others have said-- time really does help. The ache in your heart never goes away, but the pain isn't always as sharp. Eventually, you will get to the point where you have more good days than bad. Your loss is still so recent that it may seem hard to believe, but you really will get there.

It's okay to have bad days. It's okay to have bad weeks and even months-- you just have to grieve at your own pace. You will find your way to your new normal. Just be kind to yourself until you do.

I coudn't have closed this any better than Melissa did-- "You will get through this. It hurts, but you will do it and we will be here by your side as you do."

Thinking of you and wishing you much peace as you continue down this path.

melissam
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby melissam » Sun Mar 09, 638600 3:05 pm

I have to say both yes and no to time helping. The first year is by far the hardest. I know you have already heard that, but it really is true. It was like the first big day to get through was her Due date, then the first birthday. As I have now just hit 4 years, there are times when I am in that hospital room now. There are also times where it just seems that it was a bad nightmare. It has been an interesting journey. I have tried to allow myself to be open to all the emotions that have come. I think that is very important too. So many people try to tell you not to think about it, move on, etc. etc. For me, I had to live it again and again and again.

As Carin mentioned, soon you WILL be able to see the blessings of some of this. They are hard to see, but they really are there. My sweet Kelsi has saved numerous lives. Together we have raised a lot of money for the PF, not to mention awareness. Her death is not in vain, I will never let it be so. Still, my arms long to wrap around her and give her hugs and kisses. I long for the dreams we won't have with her.

The one thing time did for me was allow me to work through the emotions and feelings so I could get to a point of living once again. I have so many good days now, not just moments. I really don't have "bad days" any more, those have become moments.

Hang in there. You will get through this. It hurts, but you will do it and we will be here by your side as you do.

wrennie
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby wrennie » Sun Mar 09, 638600 12:28 pm

time has helped me as well. I remember days that you spoke of, feeling like all I could do was put one foot forward. Grief is a hard journey to walk, and not one anyone would choose, but being aware of your feelings and processing them along the way will help you. Its good to deal with it as you go, to recognize not everyday will be a good day.

Slowly the days for me got better, I cried when I needed to and was silent when I needed to be. And one day, when I least expected it, I was out shopping the lady at the counter said, how are you doing and I responded, im great! I shocked myself, really shocked, but with time I recognized that I was starting to see the blessings that Elodie brought to my life. With her, I learned to be a mom, the love I could feel for my child, the love from my family and most importantly the love from my husband. Its hard to describe, but I was able to channel my energy into these blessings and they helped me see my life more clearly. I cherish her life for that. Sure, I would change it all if I could, but I cant and I have realized that just because that is so, I dont love her any less. she is still my baby,she just isnt here.

anyways, my heart goes out to you. Good things will come again for you, have hope, and in time I think you will discover more about yourself than you knew before. Take care!

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rosemary
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby rosemary » Sun Mar 09, 638600 9:40 am

For me, time did ease the intense pain. While I don't forget the pain, I have found a sense of peace. There are days and events that can be very hard, but I am able to deal with them better.

I think that you said it best - having to accept a new normal. Losing a child can cut us to the very core of our being. I remember going through the motions too - just doing what I had to do to get through the day. Remember to be gentle and patient with yourself. All that you need to do is what feels right to you.

Wishing you peace and healing. (((HUGS)))

sckitzo
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby sckitzo » Sat Mar 08, 638600 5:25 am

For me time does not take away the pain and the longing for your baby. But you get a new normal, and find ways to cope better. Time has helped my days get better, easier. The pain is not so sharp, my emotions are not so touchy. I am starting to realize that my little boy wants me to be happy, and he knows how much I love him, I used to be in a stage wear I would feel guilty for every smile I made. I couldn't be happy, b/c my baby was dead. But that has changed with time. Instead of looking back and being angry at so much I don't have now that he is gone, I can look back and be thankful for every minute I did have him. I still have days, were I just fall into the same old pattern, of anger, and asking why, bitterness. But these days are much fewer and much less draining then they used to be. I still think of him just as much, but it is more of a good memory, and focused more on how precious my baby was, and less on how horrible the situation was. Time will make things eaiser, but the pain and the longing will just change a little over time.

lisainnj
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby lisainnj » Tue Feb 25, 638600 2:30 pm

Time did help me. The pain is not at the surface all the time now. Francesca's due date, what should have been her second birthday, is two weeks away, and I'm not despondent and savage inside and trying to act civilized and forcing myself to be a decent mother to my living children the way I was for the past two years. Of course, there's still two weeks to go...

It's hard to give up the pain, when it seems like the only thing we have left...

jsu_work
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby jsu_work » Tue Feb 25, 638600 11:35 am

Hugz. You've got a lot of people out there going through the same feeling. It takes a while to grow accustomed and then learn how to remember your child without dropping into grief.

annes
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Re : My heart is heavy today......

Postby annes » Mon Feb 24, 638600 11:40 pm

You know, time does help, at least it has helped me. The sadness is not as sharp and I am able to get through the days normally. It took me at least a year to be even close to the point I am at now, almost three years later. I am so sorry you are having such a bad day, I hope things get better.


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