back at work

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
sepratt
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Re : back at work

Postby sepratt » Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:44 am

Thank you all so very much for your support....I have my family to talk to but I feel like they don't quite understand. It is so nice to have a group of people to share with that are going through, or have gone through, the same thing. I think what made it so hard is that I was trying to act like everything was ok, and it's not. It takes so much energy to greive and then to add on putting up a front....it's exhausting!

melissam
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Re : back at work

Postby melissam » Sun Nov 09, 2008 01:16 pm

Sarah,

This really is so difficult and when you are so new to it, everything hurts. Everything around you reminds you over and over again of what you do not have. Unfortunately, people who have never gong through it don't understand what it is like and then they can't understand why something "small" would bother the heck out of you. I had to just let it go (not easy at all) and realize that life is going to go on for other people. When I couldn't handle all that was going on, I would remove myself from those talking or doing or whatever. Even if I just had to go into the bathroom and have a good cry.

It really is so hard when our innocence has been taken away and we are left with an empty shell and broken heart. Just know that we do understand and we are here for you. The women here have gotten me through the darkest hours of my life.

Sending you much love and strength. Hang in there.

mrs.magdaleno
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Re : back at work

Postby mrs.magdaleno » Fri Nov 07, 2008 09:01 am

I'm so sorry you are going through this difficult journey.

I was off for about 3 months after I lost Jake because my BP's were so high and the meds I was on made me zombie-like. Plus I had a blood clot and was on meds for that as well. I though I'd be okay going back to work because I had some time to get myself together. I'm a steno-captioner for hard-of-hearing/deaf students at a university. On my first day back I had to caption a human sexuality class. The teacher was talking about pregnancy and miscarriages. It took so much strength for me not to start crying. Then she started talking about her son Jake. That almost sent me over the edge.

I hope it gets easier for you. (((HUGS)))

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rosemary
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Re : back at work

Postby rosemary » Thu Nov 06, 2008 06:18 pm

Sarah, going back to work takes a ton of courage. And I am so sorry that so many things just got piled on top of another for you today. Days like that can be incredibly draining. Try to be gentle with yourself and take the time and space that you need. We're here for you - so please vent away. Sending you hugs and wishing you peace.

annes
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Re : back at work

Postby annes » Thu Nov 06, 2008 04:32 pm

Sarah, I am so sorry you are going through this. Going back to work for me was hard, but good because it was distracting. However, I do not work in the medical field with lots of reminders all over the place. Take it easy on yourself, this is incredibly hard. I broke the day up into segments that I just had to get through, first it was hours, then half days etc... good luck we are available for venting all the time!

joker
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Re : back at work

Postby joker » Thu Nov 06, 2008 04:23 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Going back to work was extremely hard for me. It was a forced move back to reality, where I really didn't want to be. I was lucky and my boss was very supportive and let me leave early whenever I needed to. Somedays, I just had to go out to my car and cry...and somehow, the release of emotions helped.

Like Donna said, I don't think it actually gets better, but you get used to the new normal that is now your life.

Thinking of you.

neslo
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Re : back at work

Postby neslo » Thu Nov 06, 2008 01:43 pm

Sarah - I'm so sorry for your loss.

Going back to work was really hard. I think that there was at least a month before I made it through a full day. Luckily my boss and co-workers were very understanding. I still have good days and bad days. On the bad days I hide in my office for a few hours and ignore my phone.

I don't know if it really gets "better" or if you just get more accustomed to your feelings. I still have a hard time seeing pregnant women or young babies.

Keep posting here - it is a great place to just let it all out. We are here to listen and support you through everything.

calliesmom
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Re : back at work

Postby calliesmom » Thu Nov 06, 2008 01:10 pm

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my baby girl five years ago this week.

Unfortunately, I did much the same as you when I returned to work. Things seemed to run in groups like that: seeing people with their babies, reading stories about new moms, sad songs, etc. I know that you feel overcome with emotion, and that's ok. If you need to cry, go somewhere and do it. Holding it in doesn't work. I'm a teacher, and more than once, I had to ask a colleague to watch my students for a moment so I could pull myself together. Luckily, I had very supportive friends at work. If you have close friends, rely on them. I'm sure you will find them happy to help. For real support from those that understand, this board is like nothing else. Only women that have experienced your loss truly understand.

Everyone kept telling me "it will get better." I found that both comforting and disturbing at the same time. If it got better, did that mean I was forgetting my daughter, and not respecting her memory? It took a long while to reconcile that idea. Now, when I'm reminded of her, I go to a small box I have with mementos of her and I reminisce. I let myself have a good cry. It validates my feelings, and validates her memory.

You will find you have peaks and valleys. Allow yourself that. This is the only way I know to deal with this type of loss.

Again, I am truly sorry and hope you find some comfort from those here. I'll be sending you good thoughts today.

sepratt
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back at work

Postby sepratt » Thu Nov 06, 2008 11:54 am

So I have been back to work for almost 2 weeks now, we lost Ethan 2 months ago and I took the 6 weeks off for the c-section. Things had been going good, getting back and seeing everyone. But yesterday was the worse....I am a medical coder for a hospital, and I was coding D&C's of women who had miscarried, then my boss's daughter had her baby on Tuesday. He came early and I am so glad that they are fine, but we were due around the same time and they were having a boy (too many similarities for me to handle). So we heard alot about them and then another coworker brings her 2 year old grandson in to visit...then I went to the cafateria for lunch and the woman in front of me was pregnant. I couldn't take it anymore so I left. I got home and started working on my bible study and it was the story of God promising Abraham and his wife Sarah (which is my name) a child.

I'm not sure where I'm going with this, I think I just needed to vent, but I know that I can't keep having days like yesterday....I will either quit or be fired for leaving all the time.

I am also wondering how did all of you handle going back to work??


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