My mom is dying and I am so sad...

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
kelly1972
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby kelly1972 » Fri Aug 08, 2008 03:06 pm

Lynne, You and your family are in my thoughts. I think its important to be able to say goodbye to the ones you love before they die. I lost my dad to bladder cancer in May he was only 61 and it was the worst experience. Cancer really sucks and I wish that it didn't exist because it has taken so many members of my family. I was not able to be there when he passed I feel awful but, I did say my goodbyes to him the day before. I'm sure you and your daughter will not regret going to be there for your mom's last moments. You and your family are in my thoughts and stay strong.

mrs.magdaleno
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby mrs.magdaleno » Fri Aug 08, 2008 12:30 am

I'm glad you decided to be with her. Ever since I lost my son I think about all the things I regretted not doing. Death is so final and you can't go back. So I ask myself, "Will I regret doing/not doing something?" Whatever my answer is, I go with it.
Sending my prayers and thoughts to you and your family.

rebeccac
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby rebeccac » Thu Aug 07, 2008 05:27 pm

Thinking of all of you...

Almost one year ago (Aug. 28), my father died due to leukemia while in in-home hospice. We knew at the time of his diagnosis that he didn't have long and were able to have time together and say our good-byes. He passed not even 1 month after diagnosis.

It is extremely difficult to be away from a loved one who is dying. I came home from my last visit with dad and the next day, got the call. I am thankful however that I was there in his final days. It was a blessing and an honor to be able to give him comfort and love in his time of need.

Please do what is best for you and yours.

****
I just read your latest post. I am glad you have decided to go and be with her. It is a great gift of love you are giving to her (and Beth and Drake too)!


for faith
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby for faith » Thu Aug 07, 2008 04:31 pm

Thinking of you and your whole family.

imemc3
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby imemc3 » Thu Aug 07, 2008 03:42 pm

Keeping you in my thoughts. I am praying for your mother and for your family.

Elaine

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annegarrett
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby annegarrett » Thu Aug 07, 2008 03:27 pm

Hi Lynne,

You're definitely making the decision I made when my mom died and the one I would have made--had my family shared with me my grandmother was dying (we were very close and I think they were trying to protect me). Being there when someone is dying is a real privilege but that doesn't make it easier. I wanted to add--in the event you don't make it in time, do not blame yourself. I know my brother really wanted to be there for my mom and sadly, he arrived after she went into a coma. I don't know if this was something he struggled with because he had work obligations that were pressing and we were all trying to "guess" when he should come and unfortunately, it was too late. Everyone makes their own choice in this situation. My son was exceptionally close to my mom and was away at year abroad (Switzerland) and it was so expensive to get him there there was just no way we could get him back. He had his SATs on Saturday and we didn't want to tell him until after the tests but he called and I couldn't lie to him. She was in a coma and couldn't talk and so I took the phone to her bedside and told him to go ahead and talk to her--to tell her anything that he felt he needed to say--because I believed she could hear him.

I must say my mother's death (which many of you supported me through and probably get tired of hearing about already) was one of those moments when my personally uncertain belief in the afterlife became firm. I won't bore you with the mystical musings of my dad at three am as we sat vigil, or the dreams of my mom talking to me since that time--but for ME, my faith made it much easier to cope with her death--because in my world, she's not gone, just in a different place and while I miss her immensely (like half my heart was cut out of my chest)--it is a great comfort to be able to talk to her still and ask her to look out for me and my friends. I like to think of her up there in heaven watching all the little babies and the wonderful women we've lost to this disease. I bet your mom would be right there with her.

I hope you make it in time--but if not--know you made it in time--she knows you love her, she knows you're there for her and she's leaving a painful body for one of peace and health.

I must admit--cancer--it sucks big time. (How's that for eloqent and articulate). I hate that disease.

jsu_work
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby jsu_work » Thu Aug 07, 2008 01:50 pm

I hope you have a safe journey

neslo
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby neslo » Thu Aug 07, 2008 08:25 am

Lynne - You're not a monster in any way. You were just trying to do what was best for your family. I hope that seeing your mom before she passes can help all three of you find some peace and comfort in a very difficult time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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rosemary
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby rosemary » Thu Aug 07, 2008 00:10 am

Lynne..I am so sorry. I too think you are making the right choice. Please travel safe and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you, Beth and your dear Mother peace.

kim
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Re : My mom is dying and I am so sad...

Postby kim » Wed Aug 06, 2008 04:23 pm

I agree that it is the right decision. With my grandfather, we were all around him and got to say everything we needed to say. It was a actually a very peaceful and beautiful experience. My grandmother died suddenly last year (she was perfectly fine the day before) and we have all had problems dealing with the fact that we were not able to be there with her in her final moments.

As scary as it seems, I felt really blessed to be there when my Papa took his final breath, with his hand in mine.

You and your family will be in my prayers,


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