A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
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Postby annes » Tue Oct 02, 2007 11:18 am

Sorry to be getting to this late, but like everyone else, I know how you feel. I think it is great that you even feel up to being social, it took me almost a year to be able to be out at events that were not "required". I could not do it, so you are way ahead of where I was. It is true that people do not know what to say, but I feel strongly that they should move beyond their uncertainty and acknowledge you. If they are friends worth keeping then you may want to say something to them. Take care of yourself.

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Postby lucy » Tue Oct 02, 2007 01:00 am

Sending many hugs.

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Postby bonnie » Sat Sep 29, 2007 10:45 am

I am so sorry that this happened to you! It hurts so much more when people act that way.

Gloria is right though, if we don't mention it, the relationship does tend to grow colder. Unfortunately, I'm learning that over a year later.

Last weekend, we had friends over who had moved away and then moved back (all in a span of 8 months). They had been our closest friends before they moved away. As they were leaving (in front of a large crowd of people) the dw told me that they had avoided us while out of town, b/c I had been unsupportive of them and their move. [:(]. UMM, I was living my own personal * at that moment and I was doing the best that I could. It hurt beyond words to have her say that to me. Needless to say, I didn't have the courage to say anything back, so I ran back into my house and started to cry. It's been a week since she said this and we haven't spoken since.

I wish that it gets easier for everyone! We shouldn't have to go through this. . .HUGS!

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Postby kris21225 » Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:50 pm

I have a friend, one of my best, we've been friends for about 26 years, who I've never even told that I lost a baby. I don't trust how she'll react or handle and it's just easier for me to not tell her. So at least you're brave enough to tell all of your friends, no matter what they do with it.

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Postby fiona » Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:11 pm

Jen, I'm sorry that happened. People really are oafs when it comes to this subject. I found that the best thing to do was say something - that they might feel uncomfortable, but I was the one with a hole in my life and they would just have to deal with it.

My doctor way back then advised me to practice a sentence that felt right to me, at home, by myself, so that in awkward situations, I could draw on it if I needed to and have half a chance of getting it out before starting to cry.

FWIW, I think the fact you were able to even go to this dinner shows how much inner strength you have. Take care.

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Postby for faith » Fri Sep 28, 2007 06:47 pm

Jen - Thinking of you and wishing you a peaceful weekend. I so know what you mean about being the "big pink elephant in the room", that has happened to me many times and it is hard. Sending you lots of hugs.

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Postby josiah1112 » Fri Sep 28, 2007 03:52 pm

I would bring this up to each person individually.My experience has been that if I didn't say anything and I started feeling funny the friendship would grow colder.I wish you a lovely week end.

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Postby froggie89 » Fri Sep 28, 2007 02:08 pm


I'm sorry that you had a difficult week and that your friends were not as supportive as you would have like them to be. I know I have experienced that before and it can be sad and frustrating. I hope that your days ahead are more peaceful and comforting. Remember that we're always here for you no matter what! Take care. Big hugs being sent to you...

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Postby joker » Fri Sep 28, 2007 11:30 am

TGIF ladies! I don't know why, but this has been a really hard week for me. I even had to leave a meeting at work one morning because I just started to cry. I just feel so sad. Like there is this weight on my chest. And I had dinner with some old friends from college (not close friends, but we see each other about four times a year), and I know that they all knew what happened with Abigail, but not one person said "I'm sorry, or are you ok". I know they don't know what to say, but not saying anything feels almost worse. Like there is no recognition and it just pisses me off. But when I left the table for the bathroom, they were all talking about it behind my back (my close friend who was there told me this.) I hate being the big pink elephant in the room.

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