Can't do this anymore

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
daltonsmommy
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Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 01:11 pm

Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby daltonsmommy » Mon Jul 09, 2007 11:16 am

I'm so sorry for your loss. I live in what I like to call my new normal. It has been almost one year since Dalton passed. He was with us for nineteen days. What you are feeling is totally normal. People just expect us to move on or don't know what to say so they don't say anything. My grandma called 3 weeks later and asked if I was better yet. People just don't get it. All your emotions are still so raw. For about the firs three months I could barely leave the house. Going to the grocery store was a nightmare. My husband had to take care of me for about the first month before I could even get up to do the smallest things like laundry. It will get easier. Be gentle on yourself. I never thought I would make it to where I am today. I am ok. Be kind to yourself and let yourself feel.

Hugs
Charity

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julie f
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby julie f » Sun Jul 08, 2007 11:58 pm

Nikkole,

I know that no words can help, please just know that I am thinking of you.

"I'm not comfortable in my own skin." You've probably nailed it for so many of us here... We leave the hospital and are sent right back into life, we realize that the world hasn't stopped for our broken hearts and that somehow, we are expected to jump back on the ride.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl.

kimb
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Joined: Fri Aug 22, 2003 03:00 pm

Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby kimb » Sun Jul 08, 2007 11:29 pm

No one can understand and no one can tell us how we should be dealing with things. I know I went into absolute RAGES about tiny things - I sometimes wonder how my dh didn't commit me! Our pain does get better with time and we still have days that still rip us apart. For me life is so called "normal" most of the time - but it is still amazing to me that when have a bad day and just want to cry - people will say "you need to get into therapy". I did do therapy - twice after losing William - once almost immediately after and again about a year later. Therapy isn't going to erase our memories of our precious babies - and I wouldn't want it to. People just don't understand that some days we are going to miss our babies more than others - even after 4 years! - and that I am still going to cry on occassion - Luckily my dh is wonderful and lets me cry when I need to. This is all very fresh for you and I remember all those feelings you describe. Dont' let anyone tell you how you should heal - you will find your way. Take care.

lisainnj
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Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 07:07 pm

Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby lisainnj » Sat Jul 07, 2007 06:18 pm

Oh, Nikkole. This is what grief is like, and the people who think you should "handle" it somehow haven't endured it, or have forgotten it. It hurts all the time when it's new, and it breaks you inside, and if you can keep your head above water and keep breathing, you're doing well.

Rage, anxiety, indecision, volatility, depression, forgetfulness, bad judgement, crying jags - normal, normal, normal...

I wish I could lift some of the pain away from you. It never goes all the way away, but I do promise you, it gets gentler with time. And yes, there will be days when it hits you as hard as the first day, all over again, but it does ease. It just takes longer than people who haven't been there would ever guess.

Come here any time and say anything you need to say.

I wish you had your Ella back too and we all had our little ones back.... (hugs)...peace...prayers...




lgw
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby lgw » Sat Jul 07, 2007 05:10 pm

Nikkole,
I'm so sorry for your loss of little Ella. I know how hard it is. Your loss is so new and everything is still so raw for you now. Please, please, please know that we are here for you anytime you want to talk. You can also email me directly if you want to. Losing a baby is so hard and I remember not wanting to be around anybody for a couple of months. I also remember looking at others and being very resentful of their perfect little families. Don't be too hard on your friends - it is difficult for them now too. They don't know what to say b/c like you said, most of them have probably not had to endure the loss of a baby. Take it one day at a time. Hugs.
Leslie

froggie89
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby froggie89 » Sat Jul 07, 2007 04:45 pm

Nikkole,

Oh hon, I'm soo sorry. Losing a baby is the hardest thing to have to go through. You're angry, sad, confused, feeling helpless all at the same time. It doesn't seem like the days will ever get better and in time they will. I know that doesn't seem possible right now, but the days will get better. Just remember that there isn't a right or wrong way to grieve. We all grieve differently. Do what you feel makes you feel better right now - if that's crying, yelling, or coming here to post then do it. We know where you're coming from because we've been there ourselves and know how difficult this path can be. We'll be here for you along the way.

Take care and be gentle on yourself right now. Take it a day at a time and remember that we're here for you. I'll be saying prayers for you and wishing you peace and comfort in the days ahead. Hugs...

Guest
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Re : Can't do this anymore

Postby Guest » Sat Jul 07, 2007 03:34 pm

Hi Nikkole,

Big hugs to you. ((HUG))

I understand how hard and frustrating that this all is. Luckily, my mom was great throughout both of my losses, but I know what you mean. When I had my second loss, the people at work did not even console me or anything like that. Mind you, I had switched departments but still. It still really hurt.

I would be tempted to ask her, "How should I handle losing a baby mom?" Unbelievable. But I guess sometimes people just truly don't know what to say so they either avoid you like the plague or else they say something that is insensitive. UGH. I am really not sure what is worse. Well, at least you know that you can count on us. The women here have been through what you are going through.

In terms of not being able to go through it again - I have had 2 losses and although it has been extremely difficult - I am now okay. So, I am sure that if that were to happen (although I reeeeeally hope it doesn't)that you would deal with it.

Anyways, I wish you comfort and peace.


mom2ella
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Can't do this anymore

Postby mom2ella » Sat Jul 07, 2007 02:20 pm

I am beside myself and nothing is helping. It gets worse every day. Ella would have been 8 weeks old on Thursday and she died 5 weeks ago on Thursday. I'm never content. I can't make a decision about anything (things as simple as what to eat for breakfast). I can't stand the feeling of any kind of responsibility...like having to get ready to go somewhere. How will I ever return to work next month? I've been crying my eyes out all day while my husband is at work. My friends are great but I don't expect them to know what to say to me because they are having a good day with their kids. I can't stand to be at home but when I go out I just can't wait to be home. I'm not comfortable in my own skin. I just wish I could've gone with her. I haven't spoken to my mom in 3 weeks because she decided that I wasn't handling "things" the way she thought I should. Who do people think they are to say something like that when they've never lost a baby? I'm so angry, hurt, depressed, sad, grief stricken, anxious...you name it. I feel like I have nothing to look forward to. Even if I can get pregnant again, there are no guarantees, right? I couldn't go through this again. I just want my Ella back.

Thanks for letting me vent.


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