Hard Holidays

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
shellysmomdad
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby shellysmomdad » Wed Dec 27, 2006 11:44 am

Amber,
My wife and I extend our heartfelt sympathy to you. We can very well relate to your current heartache and pain, as does everyone who is a part of this forum. You'll always find someone here to listen to you, cry with you, or a shoulder to lean on. Brenda and I are only 1 hour from Cedar Rapids. Please don't hesitate to contact us. We wish you comfort and strength.

John Warner

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julie f
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby julie f » Wed Dec 27, 2006 01:35 am

Amber,

I am sorry that I am so late in seeing this, I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that the holidays were gentle to you.

Thinking of you,


froggie89
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby froggie89 » Fri Dec 22, 2006 11:17 pm

Amber,
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Chance. My heart is breaking that another mom has lost her baby to this cruel disease. My sil just had her baby last month. She was due about 6 weeks after our baby girl was supposed to be born. I didn't go to their baby shower - I wasn't up for it. We celebrated Christmas with them last night and they had the baby there. I kept my distance. I just about lost it when she started crying. I knew that I'd never hear my babies cry. My point to this is that you do what you feel you can do and handle. The most important thing is that you take care of yourself and don't worry about what others think.

As I hope you have already found, the ladies on the forums are so wonderful and supportive. Please come here as often as you need. The holidays are a rough time and we're here to lend a shoulder when you need it or an ear when you need to vent. Take care and know my thoughts and prayers are with you. Hugs...

joshmom
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby joshmom » Fri Dec 22, 2006 02:37 pm

Amber Bell
I can so relate to the not having any more kids..I feel like I'm greiving 2 things, the loss of my butterfly and not being able to 'try' to have more...I asked my OB if I was his daughter would he let me..he said NO WAY IN *..I almost didn't make it, I have other healthy kids, ya but I don't think of that, I wanted another baby, I know that Josh will not be back, but my heart wants another baby.
DH and I do IVF so its alot harder we need to save $10,000, and the odds on getting a +, the 1st time, and then the chance on PRE-e again...I didn't have it with my others just Joshua...I cry every minute of the day.I just tried to go grocery shopping and had to leave..I think I need to talk to my dr about meds...I can't live like this...
I feel like I'll never be better...
Whens your dd birthday?? my twins are Jan 3rd..and my EDD was Jan12th...that day is coming..fast
shannon

sckitzo
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Location: Cedar Rapids Iowa

Re : Hard Holidays

Postby sckitzo » Fri Dec 22, 2006 02:20 pm

Chance was 1 pound 6 1/2 ounces. He Died because of a Brain Hemorrhage IVH Grade 3, mixed with Hydrocephalus. He does have an older sister who will be 2 in Jan. One thing that really hurts is when people say that I can just have another one. First of all even if I could have another one, it would not replace him or take the pain of losing him away. About 10 min after I woke up from my coma the dr was in my room telling us not to ever get preggers again. So we can't have any more not naturally. The dr. said that this one almost killed me and that the next one would. So we are also grieving the loss of every future child that we had hoped to have, not just the one we lost. This was very hard news to take at just 25, I should have another 10 years of child bearing possibilies ahead of me, but now I don't. Yes having a child already does help, she doesn't lessen the pain, but she can be a good destraction sometimes. I know that people mean well, so I try not to let thier comments get to me. But sometimes people say the wrong things at the wrong times. Like my sister in law handing over her month old baby for me to hold at my own babies funeral. She said she was trying to make be feel better, but for some reason holding someone elses child while I gazed upon my own dead child in his bassenet did not make me feel better. I don't know what she was thinking. I really appreicate all the support on this website. Because you know the pain of Preeclampsia, and not knowing what you did, or what you could have done to prevent this. Many of you also know the pain of losing a child which noone can really understand until you are thier. Many of you know the pain of having your dreams changed or taken away. This kind of support is not easily found. So thank you, all of you. (I'll stop now before I write a book)

hmoore
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby hmoore » Fri Dec 22, 2006 09:13 am

Amber -
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish that there was something that I could say to make you feel better. When I lost my son it was very hard for me to be around family/friends with new babies and family/friends that were pregnant. I kind of distanced myself from everyone until I was ready to be around them. Of coarse I have wonderful family members and friends that understood and kept their distance from me until I was ready. This is a difficult time for you so take it easy on yourself if you have to keep your distance right now do so without feeling guilty I am sure that everyone will understand. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers many hugs!

joshmom
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby joshmom » Thu Dec 21, 2006 11:39 pm

Amber
Its going to be hard to put on that smile for your friend, but in your heart you will be happy for her...when I found out that I was pg with Joshua, my best-friend lost her baby 4 days old, one month before, and she smiled everyday for me,even though I knew her heart was broken..whoever thought that 2 bestfriends would both lose their babies the same year and the same gestaion,we were both 29w5d, both has boys and I had mine on my b-friends birthday...
I'm a manager at a Maternity Store, and I've had to pop in a few times, and I pretend that I'm okay, but I'm not, with the holidays here, all the preggers are out..but I think I was one of them, and there could have been a women looking at me, maybe her baby was gone..so I try not to be to mean..I hope that they have healthy happy babies...why we didn't I wish I knew...Oh Amber I would change it for the both of us...
I too and so dreading my c/s date..Jan 12th..what am I going to do..I keep thinking it was the day he was suppose to come, but its not his birthday, he already has one..I think I will have to keep busy that day...
How has your DH been..mine just doesn't get it anymore.I think he thinks I should be getting "better"...I keep telling him that I will never be better, and that is scaring him, but I'm getting mad and I have no idea what to say..its been 1 month 6 days, better whats that!!!
What a little fighter you had..having him for those 27 days, how big was he? Do you have other kids??..people are telling me..Oh your lucky you have the twins..yes your right, but it doesn't take the pain away..or you'll have another, and again I say not I'm not, unless you give me $10,000 and a postive pregnancy test and tell me that I will not get PRE-e again..it usually happens with your 1st or twins, well I've had a singelton and twins and never had it..
It just fustrats me so much...he was to be here in 3 weeks..big heathly baby!!

Shannon


belle8600
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby belle8600 » Thu Dec 21, 2006 08:47 pm

amber, i am so sorry for your loss. my due date is tomorrow. i always thought i would delover early but not in August. i know that dh and i cant handkle being around anyone for the holidays so we are going away. we can conentrate on ourselves and try our best. i wish you peace and strength hon

mrs.magdaleno
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby mrs.magdaleno » Thu Dec 21, 2006 05:58 pm

I'm probably not the best person to give advice on this matter because I secluded myself from everyone for about a year after I lost Jake. I just couldn't deal with it. But I wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you have to endure this pain. You are in my thoughts and I wish you peace this holiday and everyday.

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catherine
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Re : Hard Holidays

Postby catherine » Thu Dec 21, 2006 05:34 pm

Amber, I am so sorry that you lost Chance and that this holiday season is proving so hard. I'm sad that your friend doesn't seem to understand the place that you are at and that you have to feel such concern about the impact on your friendship. I think that your friend will probably develop much more empathy when she becomes what you are already, somebody's mother. You've experienced maternal love from the moment you first saw Chance and continue to feel that now. She's not there yet, but when she is, when she sees her own baby, she will finally understand how much you have lost.


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