Can't do this alone

A place for those bereaved to receive and offer support
gilma
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Posts: 195
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2006 10:44 am

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby gilma » Fri Dec 01, 2006 03:06 am

I am so sorry for you loss. So sorry that you had to find us. The guilt of losing a child I think is truly one of the worst feelings a mother carries with her after a loss. It does not discriminate and is terribly suffocating. Please try and remind yourself that the disease did this to you. There isn't a mother in the world that would choose to have this happen.
I find some similarities in our stories. I too, have two other children, though they weren't healthy pregnancies. That is actually where a lot of my guilt comes from when I let it in. I get the whispers in the back of my mind telling me I should have known...should have acted sooner....been more aware. Instead my son Grayson also made the ultimate sacrifice. He died so that his mommy could live. His sister and brother need me. If I weren't here I could be with him holding him in my arms but imagining the pain my family would be in without me hurts more than the pain I feel from missing my little boy. It's taken a long to to truly accept that.
The delivery itself was traumatic after Grayson died. Because of that I had to have a hysterectomy a few months ago. I too grieve the loss of not only my son but my ability to bear more children.
I know the pain is raw right now. Please know that we all understand your feelings and want to do nothing but wrap our arms around you and help you through this. We're always here when you need us. Wishing you peace.

tlovele
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Posts: 28
Joined: Thu Sep 07, 2006 12:43 am

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby tlovele » Thu Nov 30, 2006 04:01 pm

I totally understand what you're going through. I was fine one day too, and when I went to bed that night I woke up with extreme cramping. Come to find out my blood pressure skyrocketed, and my placenta ruptured, cutting off oxygen to my son. I will never forget that ultrasound. But as crazy as it may sound, it gets a little easier everyday. I try to live my life for him now, since I almost died myself.I have to remind myself that feeling like I can't carry on won't bring him back. So I do what I can to make everyday a little more meaningful, and if I'm here, I can keep him in my thoughts everyday. Live for your baby!I lost my son almost 4 months ago, and I went back to work, and I'm sure veryone thinks I'm okay too, but it takes time. Don't feel bad about feeling so many emotions at once-you take all the time you need!

marirosa
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Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2006 06:34 pm

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby marirosa » Wed Nov 29, 2006 06:53 pm

there is somebody

marirosa
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Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2006 06:34 pm

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby marirosa » Wed Nov 29, 2006 06:52 pm

Hola

daltonsmommy
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Posts: 168
Joined: Sun Aug 13, 2006 01:11 pm

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby daltonsmommy » Wed Nov 29, 2006 02:46 pm

First I want to say that I'm very sorry for your loss. It has been four months since I lost my Dalton. He was born at 29 weeks and fought for nineteen days to stay with us. I think guilt is just a normal part of the greiving process. I have just begun to go on with life and feel like it is ok. I will always miss my Dalton but life has to go on. I have a 2 1/2 year old son. Without him I don't know where I would be. He is my Knight in Shining Armor. Everything I do is for him because he deserves it and Dalton would want us to go on with life. I try to make his life as normal as possible. Just know that the first few weeks are very difficult. I felt like I was in a fog I couldn't get out of. The fog does thin and there is a light at the end of the tunnell. For some it takes longer than others. Hugs

Charity

melissam
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Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2005 10:48 am

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby melissam » Tue Nov 28, 2006 08:48 pm

Shannon,

Riley was 4 when Kelsi died. My brother took us to Disneyland a week after we buried Kelsi. I just cried. I had to find my happiness in hers. Sometimes that is what we have to do. Watch things through our children's eye when we are in a situation like this.

I know what you mean about the guilt. I think we all feel it, actually, I am pretty sure that we do. Even though most of us know that there wasn't anything we did or could have done it is still there.

You remain in my thoughts and prayers. This is such a difficult time to be going through all of this, as if it weren't hard enough on its own. Much love to you.

jana m
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Posts: 1509
Joined: Thu Jul 20, 2006 10:12 am

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby jana m » Tue Nov 28, 2006 07:42 am

Shannon,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my three daughters (also IVF babies) to PE and HELLP back in May and the pain of missing them physically hurts sometimes. And certainly I know that dazed feeling. I felt like my world had stopped, but everyone else's seemed to keep going. Your whole future changes in the blink of an eye.

You are right...you cannot and do not have to do this alone. We are all here to support you through your grief. This forum is a wonderful place to find support whenever you need it.

I'll be thinking of you and don't ever hesitate to post if you are feeling overwhelmed and need to talk or vent.

froggie89
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Posts: 1823
Joined: Thu Jun 02, 2005 04:36 pm

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby froggie89 » Mon Nov 27, 2006 10:17 pm

Shannon,

I'm soo sorry for the loss of your sweet Joshua. I lost my son, Alexander, at 26 weeks. I was fine Sunday and in the hospital early Monday morning with severe pe. I was rushed to an emergency c/s because my bp wouldn't go down even though they had me on mag. I remember leaving the hospital without him and crying the whole trip home. I cried everyday for at least 8 weeks that I can remember. I was in a fog for 6 months and then I felt like I hit the wall as reality was finally settling in. I hated that.

The ladies on the forums have been so wonderful and supportive. When no one else could understand what I'm going through, they could. What a blessing! I hope that you will find the same wonderful support that I have. I really don't know where I'd be if I hadn't found the forums.

All the things you're feeling are normal. Losing a child is the hardest thing that will happen in your life. Remember that we are here for you. We're here to listen when you need to talk or vent.

Saying prayers for you and your dh. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that each day brings a little more comfort, strength and peace. Many hugs to you during this difficult time.

lisainnj
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Posts: 595
Joined: Fri Sep 08, 2006 07:07 pm

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby lisainnj » Mon Nov 27, 2006 08:29 pm

Shannon, so many of us are tormented with guilt. I know I am even though everyone tells me it is not my fault. So I will tell you, it is NOT your fault in any way. Your dying wouldn't have saved Josh, and you would have done whatever was in your power to save him. But it wasn't in your power.

Francesca was my last baby. I am closing in on 45, and right now my blood pressure needs four different drugs to keep it normal and two of those are no good for pregnancy, and I still pee protein from time to time. I am not going to get better in time to have another. Oh, how I wish I could. I had my fourth child after two devastating miscarriages and she didn't replace my lost babies but she healed me - she filled a hole torn in my heart. Francesca was such a miracle, to be conceived so easily at my age, to have her chromosomes all lined up right ... but I never quite believed she would be mine except for a day or two before I got sick. Short-lived confidance.

We're planning to adopt because we can see ourselves looking back ten years from now and wishing we had but I know I'll miss carrying that child in my body, and nursing her, and having her as a newborn...and she'll have her own loss of her birth family to deal with - but
we'll turn our loss into love, please God.

for faith
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Joined: Wed Mar 10, 2004 02:15 pm

Re : Can't do this alone

Postby for faith » Mon Nov 27, 2006 04:11 pm

Shannon - I am so, so sorry for your loss of Joshua. I lost my daughter, Faith, almost 3yrs ago. My older son was almost 4 at the time. It was very hard staying strong for him, but he was a blessing too for times like you had putting up the Christmas tree.

It is so, so hard, losing a child is so heartbreaking. For a long time I just went through my life feeling such in a fog, having the strangest feelings that everyone is moving forward and how could I ever. Also, so many of the same emotions as you.

Wishing you as much peace as possible, I hope that your children with you give the joy that only children can. My thoughts are with you.


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