Not sure why this upsets me

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keneke68
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby keneke68 » Sat Jun 26, 637649 9:20 pm

I totally understand your feelings on that subject. My sister has 5 children. Her first child and my first pregnancy that I miscarried were due a week apart I have a very hard time being close to my nephew. And her fifth child a girl was born 2 weeks before my beautiful Madison. She brought all the children to Madisons memorial that was so hard for me. I still have ill feelings towards my sister from the first time. And my ill feelings have only increased since the loss of Madison. I two have another sister who is younger that got pregnant and had a baby in May. She was not ready for that responsibility either. I felt the same way as you why her and not my husband and me. I guess you can say I have ill feelings to both my sisters. I try to make myself not feel this way but I just can't.

forlogan
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby forlogan » Wed Jun 16, 637649 11:19 am

Heather,
What you are feeling is so completely normal. I know many have told you so, but I can speak from experience. Your wounds are still so fresh that you shouldn't expect any different from yourself right now.

I live in the baby capitol of the world, SLC, Utah. You can't turn a corner and not see a pg woman....it was devastating to me after losing Logan. The hardest is seeing the unwed, young mothers that have "oops" pregnancies all the time. I'm surrounded by them...several in my own family too. It's crazy. I did everything "right"....and I feel I've been punished. Well that's how I used to feel.....

It's been a year and a half since we lost Logan and I can look at things from a different, not so hurtful perspective. This is my first post in a very long time. I just wanted to respond to you because I know firsthand what you're going through. Although it may seem like you'll never want to be around another pg woman ever again....I promise that will change. And despite your anger towards your sister or rather envy of her situation, you have to remember that your family will have a beautiful new baby to accept and love in this life. I know how desparately you want Conner to be there (and he is...) you and your family still carry him in your hearts. Your sister's child can never take the place of your son.

I don't expect you to be in the same place as I am right now, but just know that time does heal your wounds. It will never fill the hole in your heart, but it will get easier. Just give yourself lots and lots of time. I'm here for you if you need to talk.

Sending a great big HUG!!!

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rosemary
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby rosemary » Sat Jun 05, 637649 5:43 am

Heather - what you feel is completely normal. Please don't beat yourself up because of how you feel. Perhaps as time goes on, your feelings might change. And if they don't, then that is certainly okay too.

One thing that I have learned, is that life isn't fair. In a perfect world, children would only be born to parents who were ready, who would love them unconditionally and would be fit parents. And in a perfect world, we wouldn't lose our precious children. It stinks that it's not a perfect world and that we have to deal with the unfairness that life can bring. It's really okay to feel sad for yourself and miss your child and not jump for joy when you learn of someone else's pregnancy. I've been there...heck...I'm still there. Be kind to yourself and I wish you peace.

hmoore
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby hmoore » Fri Jun 04, 637649 3:52 pm

Thank you all so much for your advise and support. Sue you had mentioned that I could raise my sisters child as my own since she is not ready but that is out of the question a good thought but that will not happen see she is not ready for a child because she still lives with my mom, not married and does not have much as far as money but for some reaseon she felt she was ready (this was pretty much planed). I do not want to get into the details on that. But thanks Sue that was a nice thought.
Alica thank you, that comment that you made about would I be happy for her if my son was hear and the answer would be yes I would be happy for her. I would be scared for her because she is not ready and has a bumppy road ahead of her but I would bend over back words to help her if my son was with me today. Thank you so much, that really gives me something to think about.
You all are just so wonderful!!! Thanks Melissa now I know the way I am feeling is some what normal. I am going to try and work through this so that I can be there for her.

mrs.magdaleno
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby mrs.magdaleno » Fri Jun 04, 637649 2:49 pm

Heather,
I am so sorry. I know just how you feel. On Thanksgiving day my brother told me that his girlfriend was pregnant. I had just lost my Jake in October and was still fragile and emotional. I didn't want him to see my reaction so I went into the bathroom and cried. My dh and mom came in to console me. I was sick to my stomach because this is his 4th child and he hasn't even been with his girlfriend a year. He is in his 30's but not the most responsible person. It was really hard to accept. Then on Christmas day he proposed to her. My dh and I decided to skip Christmas this year and i'm glad I wasn't there because it would have been the same outcome. I thought how could they be so happy, don't they know I lost my little Jake. My husband has been a great help and I know without him I would be a mess. He asked me if Jake was with us then would I be happy for my brother and the answer was "yes". I know Jake wouldn't be happy that I was angry and bitter. I try every day to make him proud. I know everyone is different. We need to live for our babies and through us their memories will always be alive.

timelessbeauty
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby timelessbeauty » Fri Jun 04, 637649 12:15 pm

Maybe you could propose to raise your sisters child as your own if she truly is not ready. If you are prepared to have a child already, does it matter where the child comes from? It's still biologically related to you and you would be helping your sister in a way you maybe had not thought of. And depending on the closeness you have with your sister, you would be the very nice aunty or the mom and she would still have involvement to some degree. Could this be an option? I am a true believer in dates telling us here that someone in Heaven is thinking about us. Could be this child is due near Connor's date because he's trying to give you hope. You may just find that you would be doing your sister a huge favor and yourself an even bigger one. Granted this idea all depends on the situations in your family and is a hypothetical. I wish you much love and luck.

Just an idea from a former widow and a mother to an angel boy.

lucy
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby lucy » Mon May 24, 637649 8:48 pm

Heather, I can understand to a point how you feel. I dont really have any advice but just wanted to send many hugs your way.

lorelei
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby lorelei » Mon May 24, 637649 7:18 pm

Although I haven't been in your shoes, I feel that what you are experiencing is completely normal. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers that it will get easier for you to accept and that you can be supportive of your sister. I know it puts you in such a hard place. ((((HUGS)))) I'm sorry that Conner isn't here with you.

melissam
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Re : Not sure why this upsets me

Postby melissam » Mon May 24, 637649 5:00 am

Heather,

I think it affects us all the same way. We all want to be happy for others, but how??? We are so miserable without our little ones. in most cases we are the ones that are ready, we were prepared, we could afford it, we would love this little one, the list goes on and on.

Just after Kelsi died I learned that my SIL was expecting her third. It was so difficult for me because they could barely afford the two they had. This one was another oops. And they got pregnant at the time Kelsi was dying. It drove me up the wall. I want to be happy for them, but how can I? They have what I want and I don't have. It is something you will get through. It is difficult and it will happen again and again. I even had to stop posting here on the forums for a while. All the ladies here were getting positives. I was so happy for them, but at the same time I was becoming a HUGE green eyed monster. I know you can't just stop being around your sister and such, But hang in there and give it some time.

You don't have to be okay with her pregnancy. You don't even have to be happy about it. I do hope that you will find soon that you are at peace...although I know that one will be a difficult one to come by until you have your own child with you again.

Sorry, I know this isn't making much sense. But just know that what you are feeling is completely fine. We don't have to be happy for everyone else. Sometimes we can just be upset and not happy for them too. Hopefully we don't stay in that mode for long, but it is okay none the less.

Hang in there. Sending many many hugs.

hmoore
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Not sure why this upsets me

Postby hmoore » Mon May 24, 637649 4:30 am

Hi Ladies -
I am just upset and need to vent. I am not sure why this upsets me but it does. I found out on new years eve that my younger sister is pregnant. As soon as I herd I started crying her due date is right around Conner's birthday. I want to be happy for her because she is happy but I am not all, I think about how I do not have my little boy with me and now she will have her child with her. This is just so hard for me to except because she is so young and not ready for this. I know that she will need help from my whole family because she is young not married and still living with my mother but I don't know if I will be able to be there for her like I would like to be. I wish and hope that these feelings leave my heart soon but I am not sure they will. The closer it gets to his birthday I think the harder it will be for me. Like I said I feel really bad that this makes me so sad and angry, but I keep thinking it's not fair my husband and I were so ready for a child and she is not. I wish and hope that I stop feeling this way.


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