Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

This section is for discussions with other women who have probably been through the same signs/symptoms that you may be experiencing. Please note, we cannot offer medical advice and encourage members to discuss their concerns with their doctors. New members, come on in and introduce yourself!
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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby timelessbeauty » Fri Dec 18, 638308 8:15 pm

How did I deal with pregnancy after loss? With tears and spunk. I cried a lot during the next pregnancy and I think I felt better in letting it all out than trying to brave it and keep those emotions in because I was worried what holding all that in would do to me. I talked with the doctor and did my research to educate myself to all possibilities and I suppose prepared as much as I could for whatever path the pregnancy took. I had no guarantees and knew there wasn't a way to get any. I had seen a counselor after my first husband had passed so I knew I was handling the death of my son in a natural manner. I discussed the outcomes with my current husband and asked how he felt about trying again. He was more than worried too but we both agreed if we had another shot we would take it.
I jumped in with both feet and got pregnant 5 months after our loss, doctor approved and I tried to remember that each pregnancy is different and take just one day at a time. I would have a lot of heart to heart talks with my husband and my family about what was going on. I asked for prayers up front because I knew I was going to need them no matter what the outcome. I prayed every day for strength!

I can't say I was any less nervous or upset or cried any less than anyone else that had lost a child and faced an unknown outcome. I tried my hardest to be determined and keep a positive outlook while I expressed how weak I felt inside and needed as much support as I could get. I had the words of one of my OBs running through my head that "the next one could kill you" but tried to again remember that each pregnancy is different.

I wish you much love and luck as I know it's an emotional roller coaster at times but you will have a lot of support through this site. And proof positive that things can turn out ok? I'm about to have my third little one since I lost my Ben in 2002 and I've been doing great with each pregnancy. Not without some bumps such as the 24 hr urine tests and extra Non-Stress Tests and BioPhysical Profiles and extra BP monitoring and extra meds but hey, I have to say it's been working for me. And as much as I fear needles, I'm doing the heparin/lovenox shots because it worked the last time by some miracle.

I know the next baby will not erase the memory of my son, he/she will not replace the baby I lost, but like you I had the now or never mentality and had to try, or knowing myself like I do, would be facing regret if I didn't. Sometimes just having another person in your corner helps. So if seeking professional helps to cope with the emotions that will crop up during another pregnancy especially after a loss,go for it. It may be more than helpful and actually be a great thing to enhance your pregnancy. Perhaps they will be able to help you with a way to handle things better than you thought you could. Anything is possible and I wish you all the best in making the right decision for you and your family. It's a very personal decision and even though I think sometimes we wish someone else could make it for us, the best answer for you and your situation will prevail.

Be your own best advocate and ask a LOT of questions. And there will be those of us around to help support you no matter what your decision. HUGS!

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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby mrs.spit » Fri Dec 18, 638308 3:29 pm

One of the things that I had to realize was that a good portion of the trauma with my pregnancy, and his birth and death was that it was so totally unexpected. As I head into a second pregnancy, I have realized that this time, it won't be unexpected. Unwanted, but not unexpected. And this time I know what to expect, I know what will happen, and if the worst happens again, I know I can cope. . .

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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby kelly w » Tue Dec 08, 638308 7:50 am

I have not experienced a loss and I am so very sorry for the loss of your baby girl.

That said, PE can be an extremely traumatic event in and of itself, and multiply that by infinity when you lose a child - I think professional help might be extremely beneficial. Many women suffer actual "Post Traumatic Stress Disorder" after a traumatic birth experience. There is nothing wrong at all with getting some help processing and coping with what you have gone through.

I wish you much luck w/ TTC and your next pregnancy.


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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby joker » Tue Dec 08, 638308 5:02 am

Rosalinda, we waited a year after our loss and about two months before we started TTC, I was a nervous wreck over it. The fear is hard to get past. I found that once we got pg again, I wasn't as anxious. The fear is still in the back of my mind, but I just keep reminding myself that I have three really good docs who will be watching me closely and that I am so much more educated now that I know things to look for that I didn't know with my first pregnancy. Perhaps you could talk to your ob about the anxiety? Also, is there a local SHARE office near you? They do a pregnant after loss support group in my area, maybe they do one in yours?

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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby bellemama » Mon Dec 07, 638308 9:15 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I didn't experience one, but it was mostly through luck and some good medical took me quite a while to process and deal with my HELLP experience.

I think it might be worth talking to a professional about your panic attacks. I talked to a therapist about my trauma and it helped. I also did a lot of self-education, and had a very thorough preconception work-up done so I knew that there was no underlying cause and exactly what my odds were. I'm one of those people that the more I know, the better (and more in control) I feel. I also worked out in my own head how I would feel in a worst-case scenario and if that was something I could handle. (Actually, the answer was no, but we got pg anyway!)

My second pg was very stressful and I can't say that I enjoyed it. But now that Charlie is here, I'm so glad!

Good luck...

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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby anrmacon » Mon Dec 07, 638308 5:15 pm

rosalinda- I too have not experienced a loss, but I can say that PE is traumatic- regardless of the eventual outcome. Some women are too upset to even try again, so the fact that you and your husband have decided to try it again is a good sign-IMO. Personally, having someone to talk to has helped me a lot. I didn't go to a therapist, though; I found this board and my husband to be the best therapy for me. I also found a great deal of peace through meditation and a great deal of soul searching. Right now, I'm trying to decide if I should heed my OB's advice and not have any more children or if I should follow my heart and try (in a few years) for the little girl we long for...I hope thatyou find some inner peace- in any way you can find it. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that your future pregnancy brings you much joy.

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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby bordergurl72 » Mon Dec 07, 638308 3:35 pm

I have to day, I totally agree with the gestating in the hospital scenario might be the only thing that would work for me, and is something I could see myself as asking my Dr - lol.

As Sonja said, I have not experienced a lass, and so sorry for yours. But I have experienced the trauma. My daughter is now 3 1/3 years, but I still suffer from post-traumatic stress and have major health anxieties as a result. I did see a therapist for a while, but refused meds (I am actually so paranoid, I am scared what side effects that anti-anxiety meds would have on me -lol!) The therapist helped a bit, but she was not specialized in this area. I am considering going to someone new, especially if we attempt to TTC, which is pretty unlikely at this point.

I bet if you start seeing someone it will be a bit of a relief.

Hugs to you, and good luck in your decision.

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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby rosalinda » Mon Dec 07, 638308 12:50 pm

Thanks Sonja, I do have my local MFM doctor here whom I love and has promised to watch me very carefully, and I also have "THE" doctor in Seattle co-managing my care as well, so I think I've got my bases covered. I think if I was allowed to gestate in the hospital the whole time I was pregnant I would feel somewhat better, sadly my MFM just laughed at my idea :)

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Re : Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby sonja » Mon Dec 07, 638308 12:43 pm

First off, I have to say that I have not experienced a loss, so my experience is vastly different from yours. But, for me it really helped to educate myself as much as possible and to have an OB that I really trusted, and to know that I would be followed very carefully in my next pregnancy. I think you should talk to a professional if you feel like you would like to. There are lots of women around here who have been in your situation - it also really helps to talk to others who know what you are going through.

Best wishes to you.

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Should I get some mental help? (a little long)

Postby rosalinda » Mon Dec 07, 638308 12:05 pm

I resigned from my job as a staff nurse on a Mother/Baby unit last week because my hubby and I will begin TTC this coming weekend (we got pregnant the first month of TTC with our first baby, so I'm hoping that the second time around will be fast as well). I wanted to stay at home and enjoy my second pregnancy since with the first one I was in nursing school and it was a very stressful time--although I know that stress does not cause PE.

I know that If I don't attempt this one more time I will regret it for the rest of my life, so in a way it's now or never. Here is the problem:

This week each time I think about being pregnant I hover on the thought that my baby will die again, or that I could die as well. I can't really get past these fears. I'm thinking of getting professional help for this because I will literally start panicking and crying.

I know it's been asked times before, but for those of you that have gone on to have a second pregnancy after a loss, how did you deal with the anxieties? Did any of you seek professional help? I would really hate to spend the next year or so having panic episodes.

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