Dealing with unsupportive family members

[atanya]

Nancy,
I am sorry to hear about your family not supporting you. I agree with all the above. I know with my experience, many people don't seem to understand unless they have problems of thier own. Hang in there and do what you feel is right. They will eventually understand, just try not to let it upset you. This can add to HBP.

Good Luck!
Atanya

[breakiron]

Do not be afraid to be honest and just tell them that you can not do it. And do not worry if they will be mad at you if they are a memeber of your family of just a friend they should be able to be understanding of you and your situation. And most importantly do not be afraid to stand up and tell it like it is.

[angelava]

Well, let me add one more voice of empathy. I have had LOTS of people not understanding why I can't do certain things, and I am working on developing a thicker skin because it makes me feel really bad. Like a friend coming over for lunch and giving me a hard time about things that weren't done around my house. Our church secretary scheduling me to work in the nursery and set up and clean up for dinners even though she is also the one typing the weekly prayer list that includes my pre-eclampsia on it! My dad and step mom asking me to help with a bunch of stuff with my step sister's graduation. (I will be 36 weeks by that time, I will be lucky to be able to COME to the party, much less help with it.) My husband is mostly supportive but WHINES like crazy about the extra things he has to do around the house. I think part of the human condition is being very self centered and we just have to stick up for ourselves and remember, like the previous poster said, that it is THEIR problem.

[caryn]

I think it's terribly unfortunate that many people "know" that high blood pressure is caused by the mother's poor lifestyle choices, therefore high bp in pregnancy is too.

Hang in there. As has been said, it's not your problem. It's their problem.

[nicoleharrison]

I will give you some advice that a very good friend of mine gives me all the time:

it's not your problem. It's their problem.

You need to take care of yourself and these are THEIR issues. I guess in the best way you know how I would let them know that your best interests are with your health and that of your baby.

good luck. you shouldn't have to deal with this. You have enough on your plate with 4 other kids and a high risk pregnancy!!

[onfaith]

Nancy - I am so sorry that you are going through this....that is one of the frustrating things about PE, people assume because it is related to pregnancy that it is "only" a temporary state, which therefore makes it somehow less important. Alot of it is just ignorance, not an excuse, just a fact. When pregnant with my first, my grandmother died and my sister couldn't understand why I wasn't able to fly completely across country for the funeral.....fortunately, she changed her tune quickly.

The other ladies are right, 33 weeks is an uncomfortable place to be standing in length anywhere, let alone in the summer. Just try to be as frank as you can with them, and know that you can not control their responses. Just take care of you and the munchkin and hopefully, with your educating them, they will come around. If not, you're better off! Easier said than done I know!!!! Good luck!!! We're with you 100%

[missgamecock]

I have no advice and if we had answers man I would use them. When I was pregnant with Sara, my ob and mw said no outside. You are to lay on your left side, in a cool dark room with AC. You are not to move a muscle till your next appt. So dh's mom, says, why can't Sabrina come out to the pool today? The water will help her and let her get some sun. Hmmmmm, what part of the conversation that dh told her did she not understand? She didn't get it and still doesn't, and never will. Some people are like that. I guess the best thing to do is just ignore them. You don't have to give them an answer. That's what I ended up doing. I just flat out told my dh to tell his relatives that I will NOT be someplace as directed by my dr. Mil kept it up, she wanted me to attend a family picnic in the hot sun on June 11th last year (I delivered June 28th). I just flat out told dh to have a good time because I would not be there. I then told mil that when she went to med school, spent over 100k, and had 8 years worth of schooling and training and was my dr, then she could make or question medical decisions that my dr and I had made.

I think it is totally unreasonable for them to think you are going to stand up in a wedding at 33 weeks. I think you should flat out tell them no and that it is not up for discussion. That's pretty much what I do now. Like Carol says, it is their problem, not yours. Good Luck.

[taras mom]

Some people take healthy, full-term pregnancies for granted, no matter what reality has in store for the rest of us. Do NOT appease them with doctors' notes and explanations; tell them "no," period. Repeat as needed. Trying to persuade them will only add to your stress and frustration. You are the expert. Either they get it or they don't, but that's their problem; don't let them make it yours.

[julie f]

Nancy,

I wish I could help you find something constructive to say... Unfortunately it's late, I'm tired, and reading this makes me so sad, not to mention frustrated...[}:)] Tell anyone who is unsupportive of you to call me and I'll tell them why I think PIH/PE are a "big deal."

Hang in there and do what you need to do for you and baby!

[sarahduby]

OK, I would just get a doctor's note. What are they gonna do, accuse your doctor of being over cautious? Sometimes when medical issues are confirmed or backed up by a doctor's note people tend to change their tune! I know it works with my boss. Plus it might even make them feel just a little guilty for being so rude. Stand your ground! I would'nt do it either. You and your baby's heath are too important!

Sarah