Author:  TRACY

When I had my first child I was never informed that I had any complications.  After having my second child I realized I had preeclampsia.  I had the swollen face, feet and hands and high blood pressure.  I was 12 days past due and when they went to break my water there was nothing there. 

Fortunately, I had my first child vaginally and without any other complications.  I loved the whole process of being pregnant and giving birth.  The second child, however, was not as pleasant.

At about 28 weeks into my second pregnancy I remember telling my mother-in-law, "I am not enjoying this anymore."  My feet were swollen like elephant legs and I just didn't feel good.  When I went to see my doctor a few weeks later I was told that I had some protein in my urine and I was worrying her.

At 32 weeks I began having pains that felt like heartburn.  I called my doctor and she told me to take some antacid but to definitely call back if it didn't get better.  At about 11:30pm I called her back and said it was worse.  She told me to go to the emergency room and she would call ahead.

On the drive to the hospital I had have my husband pull over because the pain was so bad I had to throw up.

By the time I got to the hospital I was feeling fine and feeling silly.  They checked me in anyway and took some blood.  I was told I had HELLP syndrome and that I was not going home until I had the baby.  For two days I felt fine which was good because that gave me two days of steroids.  On the third day the pain returned with fierceness.  It felt like my liver was going to explode.  Again, the pain was so bad I began throwing up.  They gave me a shot of demerol but that did absolutely nothing.  They called the ambulance and took me to another hospital as that one did not have a NICU.

I was immediately prepped for a c-section.  Because of the HELLP I had to be completely out.  They put me on magnesium as well.  Again, some things were working in my favor.  The doctor on call was the head of neonatology so when he did the surgery he was careful to do the incision just below my bikini line and he said he sewed up all seven layers of the muscle so I would have no hanging later on.  You can't even tell I had a c-section.

Joshua was born 3lbs 15oz, 21 inches long.  I was in the hospital for another week and couldn't immediately get out of bed because of the magnesium.  I had nightmares that people were keeping my baby from me.  When I was able to go see Joshua I sat in front of the incubator and cried.  I'm not sure why, I just cried.  The nurse came over and took Joshua and put him on my shoulder(skin-to-skin) and it felt like someone had given me a shot of drugs.  Ahhh..that was what I needed.  Joshua stayed in the hospital another week until he could keep food down and the whole time I struggled with the thought of being a bad mother because I was not with my baby 24 hours a day.

Joshua came home at 4lbs and has thrived ever since.  The doctor told me that my liver could have exploded and I could have died(they didn't make it seem so dire at the time)  He also said I needed to understand that I didn't just have an emergency c-section and I didn't just have preeclampsia but I had HELLP which meant I was really sick (and could have died) and I need to understand it will take time to heal.

Well, 13 years later the after effects are still going.  Out of everyone in my family I am the only one who exercised on a daily basis (I was an step instructor before giving birth the first time) and the only one who was not over weight.  Since giving birth I have acquired high blood pressure, hyperthyroid (which is not hypo because they destroyed it) and I am 30lbs over weight and no matter what I do I cannot get rid of it.

I have now been diagnosed as having a heart block which I attribute to the preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome because I didn't start experiencing an irregular heart beat until after the birth of my first child.

Thank goodness the best thing that came from this is that I have two sons who love and adore me and constantly show me how much.  It is frustrating to be so healthy before and to have all these issues now but if I had to do it all over again I would because my family has given me more love than I ever imagined possible.